I should be keeping better track; it is important yet not....
All in good time. Events, teachers, friends, they come at the right time, for the "right" purpose.
09 - 11 - Dharamsala, CTS, retreats, teachers
Oct 11 - Releasing River retreat, Toast Masters
Nov/Dec 11 - Merit making, CTS
Jan 12 - Resolutions and Vision Board, 5 Rhythms, Mastermind
Feb 12 - China & Nepal pilgrimage, Power vs Force, Somatics, Conscious Connecting, COMO
13/14 - Auset, Love & Above, Unlimited Abundance, Coaching, K-pop/Hip Hop, Yoga, The Magic (gratitude), Doterra, Fireflies, I AM Kids (grounding and openness)
Feb 14 - Jakarta: Rachel House
Sep 14 - Makeover
Oct/Nov 14 - Korea: Mt Sorak, Taiwan: 水路法会, Japan
Dec 14 - CTS
Jan 15 - Hachioji, EFT
Mar 15 - Nepal dana, Fire station moved
Apr 15 - Egypt
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Showing up
A good time as any for self reflection.
Am away from home now, living alone, taking much better care of myself, outside (only a little) of my comfort zone.
Away from negativities and conditioned beliefs and behavior.
I am so grateful that I have this opportunity! It is not about working overseas, but the true value of me growing and showing up. I keep waiting and looking for the end point, but I have also learnt to accept and embrace each present moment. I am enjoying my journey, fully appreciative and aware and ALIVE! Truly, I never felt more alive. Almost as if I have been sleep walking through all my past 30+ years. It's not very long granted, but think of all the past lifetimes.... endless cycle of samsara.
There is knowledge and intent, aspirations and motivations. I am now striving for discipline, dedication, application and integration; to be align and living my truth, to show up and be present, comfortable in who I am, where my path has taken me.
No matter how big or small a step, each has been taken consciously, sometimes decided upon as best based on the stage I was at. No wrong or right, life just is. I honour my journey and my growth.
Have been down physically. I see it as karmic clearing though. So while it was challenging, I am still grateful.
My being and heart is open and radiating more than ever, with joy, peace and presence. Life is truly beautiful.
Sending you love from where I am.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
2015 is a year of Action
Woah, it has been a long long while....close to 3 years since my last entry.
Time can be short, or long, depending on your perspectives. Well, time is just another measure, another construct.
It has really been a journey, but one that is worth taking.
Is the change the only constant? How about growth, or maybe aging? Lol
I want to say I can't wait to start blogging again, yet, I am in the flow nowadays, so we shall see.
But first up, I think I need to change my profile picture.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Thank you dear friends
Dear friend,
Just wanted to share my thanks and appreciation.
That single moment on the beach, with the 3 of us in a row, looking at the sea, breathing in. It reminded me of scenes in the movies. But mostly it struck me with e presence of peace n being in e moment.
And I m very very grateful that I have friends in u. Friends who are supportive n helping me grow. Who gives me space to learn n make mistakes, who doesn't judge!
All e words in the world cannot express my gratitude. And sometimes I still feel so young. Of course age is relative. But there is still so much more to learn.
Thank you!
Just wanted to share my thanks and appreciation.
That single moment on the beach, with the 3 of us in a row, looking at the sea, breathing in. It reminded me of scenes in the movies. But mostly it struck me with e presence of peace n being in e moment.
And I m very very grateful that I have friends in u. Friends who are supportive n helping me grow. Who gives me space to learn n make mistakes, who doesn't judge!
All e words in the world cannot express my gratitude. And sometimes I still feel so young. Of course age is relative. But there is still so much more to learn.
Thank you!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
A new wave - 2012
I cant believe I only had 11 entries in 2011. Actually not that surprising, but anyway, moving on...
Oh, but nice number. 11 for 2011
So, almost 2 months have passed for 2012. Wah, so fast ah.
But it has been a wonderful 2 months, not withstanding all the issues and problems that I had.
I learnt alot, and have grown alot, especially since Oct 2011.
Let me just quickly recap (for my own sake)
Oct 11 - Releasing River retreat, Toast Masters
Nov - Dec 11 - Merit making, CTS retreat
Jan 12 - Resolutions & Vision Board, 5 Rhythms, Releasing Support Group, Cuddle Party, Jade Buddha exhibition
Feb 12 - China pilgrimage, Power vs Force, Somatics, Conscious Connecting, Nepal pilgrimage, Como Foundation
A lot of experiences, connecting and learning was done for the past 5 months. If I may be honest, I had a quantum leap in my life! And it all started with the Releasing retreat. I believe it was a matter of conditions being ripe.
And I can 'better' manage (now), to train my mind, transform suffering into the path, and view all as Bodhisattvas.
May 2012 bring new energies into your life, and may we all continue to walk the middle path on our way towards Buddhahood.
Oh, but nice number. 11 for 2011
So, almost 2 months have passed for 2012. Wah, so fast ah.
But it has been a wonderful 2 months, not withstanding all the issues and problems that I had.
I learnt alot, and have grown alot, especially since Oct 2011.
Let me just quickly recap (for my own sake)
Oct 11 - Releasing River retreat, Toast Masters
Nov - Dec 11 - Merit making, CTS retreat
Jan 12 - Resolutions & Vision Board, 5 Rhythms, Releasing Support Group, Cuddle Party, Jade Buddha exhibition
Feb 12 - China pilgrimage, Power vs Force, Somatics, Conscious Connecting, Nepal pilgrimage, Como Foundation
A lot of experiences, connecting and learning was done for the past 5 months. If I may be honest, I had a quantum leap in my life! And it all started with the Releasing retreat. I believe it was a matter of conditions being ripe.
And I can 'better' manage (now), to train my mind, transform suffering into the path, and view all as Bodhisattvas.
May 2012 bring new energies into your life, and may we all continue to walk the middle path on our way towards Buddhahood.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
CTS 2011
High time i did this entry. A few months have already passed since the retreat, and we were invited to share at the PPF group. But I have yet to summarise or internalise my thoughts. Even when CT asked me, my only comment was good.
There is no doubt that I learnt a lot, as always, but why do I find it hard to verbalise, or share to inspire?
One conclusion which I came to, was the fact that I have yet to fully internalise the learnings. Yes, they made an impression on me, but yet, the seed was not planted deep enough for it to take place in my consciousness. Possible?
I suppose that could have been the case.
So, time to meditate and internalise....
If I were to share, or answer the same question of how the retreat was, what would my answer be?
To make it easy, and to group into sections;
1. I have been training hard: Physical/external hardship is one of the training grounds
- In Sg, we are too sheltered or pamper. At the retreat, we too, are very well taken care of. But yet I still hear complains (yes, it might have been constructive feedback on how to improve, but the tone of it, was still a complain)
- I sort of view it a little differently. All the hardship, e.g. too short meal times, a lot of stairs, too cold/hot, irritating bunk mates, long q for the toilet, etc, they are meant to let us learn and train ourselves.
Be it our minds/thoughts, compassion, gratitude
All it takes, is for us to change our perspective, in order to benefit fully from the experience. If we can "see" the thoughts that arose from that hardship, we can view it from a positive angle, and use Budhhism as an antidote.
Which is why, I love the 苦行 at CTS! A perfect opportunity to cultivate.
Cultivation should also be in our daily lives, and not only when we are seated on the cushion.
2. Concentration, Discipline and Mind training
- Related to the above point, the practices will slowly slowly increase your concentration, though bit by bit. And at times, we have to fight really hard to stay in that moment, and focus on the 佛号.
- Meal times are an especially good time to practice. Time to watch the greed of the mind, the wondering mind, how helpful/giving you are to those at your table, mindful chewing, etc
- A question I always ask myself: "Why do people have to give way to me? Why should I expect others to give way to me?"
- 过午不食: Not even the food stuck in between our teeth. That is the extent that we should practice, our mindfulness and integrity towards our precepts.
- Noble Silence: we are supposed to be practicing noble silence, but the mind never stopped
- Domino 妄想: to catch before it starts, and to reflect if it run its course "那很重要吗？"
3. Gratitude and Attitude
- Lack of civic consciousness: not placing the bowl in the flu basket when I was sick as it was out of the way. (They disinfect the bowls of those who are sick)
- Many instants where I could have been more mindful in saving water, etc. Simply not doing what I should be doing because it was inconvenient.
- 惜福: it's a mindset, a practice, something that we need to be fully mindful about, and yet understand why we should be grateful and conserve (law of karma)
- 感恩: every moment I am there (when i am conscious about it), I have ever grateful that I can go to CTS to practice and cultivate.
4. Humbled by the Bodhisattvas all around
When we observe with a clear and open heart, we can see a lot of examples of Bodhisattvas
- Retreatant who went out of her way to save water and life
- Venerables who clean the toilet so that we can focus on our cultivation
- Asking for a favour: I was very nicely asked by a Ven if I could help mop an extra section of the floor. And it was phrased as a question, and not statement or demand. To me, it reflected the mindfulness and compassion of the Venerables.
- Old ladies who really put their hearts into the practice, prostrating or forgoing rest (They beat me hands down any day)
- Times when I feel that I am in a field of Bodhisattvas, and that we are all working every hard for the benefit of all sentient beings
There is no doubt that I learnt a lot, as always, but why do I find it hard to verbalise, or share to inspire?
One conclusion which I came to, was the fact that I have yet to fully internalise the learnings. Yes, they made an impression on me, but yet, the seed was not planted deep enough for it to take place in my consciousness. Possible?
I suppose that could have been the case.
So, time to meditate and internalise....
If I were to share, or answer the same question of how the retreat was, what would my answer be?
To make it easy, and to group into sections;
1. I have been training hard: Physical/external hardship is one of the training grounds
- In Sg, we are too sheltered or pamper. At the retreat, we too, are very well taken care of. But yet I still hear complains (yes, it might have been constructive feedback on how to improve, but the tone of it, was still a complain)
- I sort of view it a little differently. All the hardship, e.g. too short meal times, a lot of stairs, too cold/hot, irritating bunk mates, long q for the toilet, etc, they are meant to let us learn and train ourselves.
Be it our minds/thoughts, compassion, gratitude
All it takes, is for us to change our perspective, in order to benefit fully from the experience. If we can "see" the thoughts that arose from that hardship, we can view it from a positive angle, and use Budhhism as an antidote.
Which is why, I love the 苦行 at CTS! A perfect opportunity to cultivate.
Cultivation should also be in our daily lives, and not only when we are seated on the cushion.
2. Concentration, Discipline and Mind training
- Related to the above point, the practices will slowly slowly increase your concentration, though bit by bit. And at times, we have to fight really hard to stay in that moment, and focus on the 佛号.
- Meal times are an especially good time to practice. Time to watch the greed of the mind, the wondering mind, how helpful/giving you are to those at your table, mindful chewing, etc
- A question I always ask myself: "Why do people have to give way to me? Why should I expect others to give way to me?"
- 过午不食: Not even the food stuck in between our teeth. That is the extent that we should practice, our mindfulness and integrity towards our precepts.
- Noble Silence: we are supposed to be practicing noble silence, but the mind never stopped
- Domino 妄想: to catch before it starts, and to reflect if it run its course "那很重要吗？"
3. Gratitude and Attitude
- Lack of civic consciousness: not placing the bowl in the flu basket when I was sick as it was out of the way. (They disinfect the bowls of those who are sick)
- Many instants where I could have been more mindful in saving water, etc. Simply not doing what I should be doing because it was inconvenient.
- 惜福: it's a mindset, a practice, something that we need to be fully mindful about, and yet understand why we should be grateful and conserve (law of karma)
- 感恩: every moment I am there (when i am conscious about it), I have ever grateful that I can go to CTS to practice and cultivate.
4. Humbled by the Bodhisattvas all around
When we observe with a clear and open heart, we can see a lot of examples of Bodhisattvas
- Retreatant who went out of her way to save water and life
- Venerables who clean the toilet so that we can focus on our cultivation
- Asking for a favour: I was very nicely asked by a Ven if I could help mop an extra section of the floor. And it was phrased as a question, and not statement or demand. To me, it reflected the mindfulness and compassion of the Venerables.
- Old ladies who really put their hearts into the practice, prostrating or forgoing rest (They beat me hands down any day)
- Times when I feel that I am in a field of Bodhisattvas, and that we are all working every hard for the benefit of all sentient beings
Friday, August 26, 2011
The Wounded Healer
Just saw a youtube clip by Humanity Healing on the Wounded Healer.
The premise was very good, that a truly effective healer, is one that has been wounded before.
Because if you do not understand the pain, how can you treat it effectively....
And because of the pain, you would wish to help others reduce their suffering.
Is that really the case for our social workers, counsellors, doctors?
They should also understand the fact that healing comes from the heart, not the mind, that the various techniques taught in school, does not always apply, esp if you do not have the compassion and heart to help/serve.
May all healers out there, work with their heart, and have the compassion and wisdom to benefit and heal others with the right motivation and means
The premise was very good, that a truly effective healer, is one that has been wounded before.
Because if you do not understand the pain, how can you treat it effectively....
And because of the pain, you would wish to help others reduce their suffering.
Is that really the case for our social workers, counsellors, doctors?
They should also understand the fact that healing comes from the heart, not the mind, that the various techniques taught in school, does not always apply, esp if you do not have the compassion and heart to help/serve.
May all healers out there, work with their heart, and have the compassion and wisdom to benefit and heal others with the right motivation and means
Buddhism & New Age
Had a discussion with a Venerable about New Age modalities (in general), and I was
trying to see the "linkage"/relevance (if any) to Buddhism. More rather, I was trying
to make sense and ask, if a Buddhist should practice new age modalities.
I entered Buddhism via the new age route. Yes, it sounds odd, but my "mentor" is a
Buddhist, and while she uses new age methods to provide some immediate clarity,
the end suggestion (whenever suitable), was always Dharma.
But through my chat with Venerable, I have a better view and understanding of the
New Age/Buddhism "divide" (if I may use such a term)
- New Age can be viewed as a shortcut, that provides immediate guidance/results.
But often enough, the root problem is still not resolved
- Buddhism & New Age has different goals. So if you are clear that your goal is
liberation, than the key focus should still be on practicing the Dharma
- So the question is: If Dharma is that good (as gold) why should we be focusing
on the "less precious" (new age) [This is relative, depending on your perspective]
The right view and firm understanding of the Dharma, should motivate us to
cultivate and not rely on methods that provide instant results, because we would
know that cultivation takes a long long time, and even the shortcuts (Pureland)
are not easy to "access"
- The premises that new age modalities work on, are very similar to Buddhism,
and there are always equivalent methods in Buddhism that also works as well
- From a Buddhist's point of view, it is very easy to be over attached to the results
of new age that we forget to practice properly.
Cultivation is a long term thing, and we should be clear about that; if it really is
that easy, I guess everyone would have been enlightened already
Well, I still have my attachment to instant results, but I have a clearer picture now.
May I continue to practice and cultivate for the benefit of all sentient beings.
Amituofo
我们要把佛法生活化，菩萨道人间化！
Long time since i wrote. Went through my draft folder and saw this topic.
Well, it is as good as any to start.
Key point, is the cultivation of Dharma in our everyday lives, and to practice the Bodhisattva path.
Of course, it is easier said than done.
But that should always be our aspiration as a Buddhist.
May we all strive to perfect the Dharma in our lives
Well, it is as good as any to start.
Key point, is the cultivation of Dharma in our everyday lives, and to practice the Bodhisattva path.
Of course, it is easier said than done.
But that should always be our aspiration as a Buddhist.
May we all strive to perfect the Dharma in our lives
Friday, January 14, 2011
No wastage - CTS 7
OF time.
Last year I had already blogged about the conservation of water, electricity, efforts of recycling.
But the most important commodity, that of TIME, is also not wasted at CTS.
At least that is the case for the monastics.
Even though they have their duties for the retreat, plus their normal duties and practices, etc, we can really observe that their mind and body, is solely focused on Amituofo.
Everywhere I turn, I can see examples of it. During break times, when the hall is mostly empty, the monastic on duty will still be at the info desk. But she will most likely be seated in a lotus position, silently chanting or meditating.
Even when the Venerable is walking around, I could see some holding their prayer beads and chanting.
It is really inspiring, to see that they have managed to really be mindful, and integrate Amituofo into their daily lives. And that is what we should aspire for.
We (if I may make such a generalisation) are really wasteful, of our time, our energy, our resources. Each single random thought, is a waste of time, and takes away another 阿弥陀佛.
Think of how much more 阿弥陀佛 there can be in our daily lives, if we were more mindful and concentrated.
The additional merits that we can dedicate to all sentient beings, that one step nearer to rebirth in Pureland.
We have much to lose when we waste our time.
Last year I had already blogged about the conservation of water, electricity, efforts of recycling.
But the most important commodity, that of TIME, is also not wasted at CTS.
At least that is the case for the monastics.
Even though they have their duties for the retreat, plus their normal duties and practices, etc, we can really observe that their mind and body, is solely focused on Amituofo.
Everywhere I turn, I can see examples of it. During break times, when the hall is mostly empty, the monastic on duty will still be at the info desk. But she will most likely be seated in a lotus position, silently chanting or meditating.
Even when the Venerable is walking around, I could see some holding their prayer beads and chanting.
It is really inspiring, to see that they have managed to really be mindful, and integrate Amituofo into their daily lives. And that is what we should aspire for.
We (if I may make such a generalisation) are really wasteful, of our time, our energy, our resources. Each single random thought, is a waste of time, and takes away another 阿弥陀佛.
Think of how much more 阿弥陀佛 there can be in our daily lives, if we were more mindful and concentrated.
The additional merits that we can dedicate to all sentient beings, that one step nearer to rebirth in Pureland.
We have much to lose when we waste our time.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Conditions, faith and determination - CTS 6
More learnings from my cold.
Even when I was burning from fever, or shivering from the chills, unable to drag myself out of bed, nodding off during meditation, it never came across my mind to give up. I wanted more rest, knew that my body needed it, but the few thoughts going through my mind were: let me get through this, I can/want to hang in there, I am failing to chant coz I am distracted by my physical discomforts....
Many a times my energy level was so low that it does seem surprising that I still managed to keep going. Of course, the seated chanting and meditation time helped.
Of course I must admit that I had thoughts of giving up. To just crash and sleep away, but at the end of it, I was still in the hall.
It was only after I had recovered from the major symptoms, that I realised....
I could have gotten an MC!!!!!
They have 病假 badges. So it appears that if you were seriously sick, you could go and get an "MC" and rest in the room.
The silly me was going....oh man, I could have gotten an MC when I was that ill, now it is too late.
And after that, I was very very tempted to request for MC....sigh.
But of course I do not regret not getting an MC.
It was a good chance for me to develop my faith (in Amituofo), and my determination to hang in there even when I was suffering.
When you put ur mind to practicing, certain conditions will arise. Maybe some good, some bad. But I firmly believe that with faith and determination, we can overcome the bad and rise with the good.
Even when I was burning from fever, or shivering from the chills, unable to drag myself out of bed, nodding off during meditation, it never came across my mind to give up. I wanted more rest, knew that my body needed it, but the few thoughts going through my mind were: let me get through this, I can/want to hang in there, I am failing to chant coz I am distracted by my physical discomforts....
Many a times my energy level was so low that it does seem surprising that I still managed to keep going. Of course, the seated chanting and meditation time helped.
Of course I must admit that I had thoughts of giving up. To just crash and sleep away, but at the end of it, I was still in the hall.
It was only after I had recovered from the major symptoms, that I realised....
I could have gotten an MC!!!!!
They have 病假 badges. So it appears that if you were seriously sick, you could go and get an "MC" and rest in the room.
The silly me was going....oh man, I could have gotten an MC when I was that ill, now it is too late.
And after that, I was very very tempted to request for MC....sigh.
But of course I do not regret not getting an MC.
It was a good chance for me to develop my faith (in Amituofo), and my determination to hang in there even when I was suffering.
When you put ur mind to practicing, certain conditions will arise. Maybe some good, some bad. But I firmly believe that with faith and determination, we can overcome the bad and rise with the good.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Conditions are right - CTS 5
Let me start off with a sad comment. Conditions are not right in Singapore for a strict retreat.
That being said, those of us who have the good fortune to go to CTS, are truly blessed, or have planted good seeds along our spiritual journey.
The conditions are CTS are PERFECT. For serious cultivation.
It is truly hard to find a temple/place, where almost everything is thought of, taken care of, for you, so that you can practice. And do nothing but focus on Amituofo.
The whole system and structure is such that you have the best opportunity to practice, to be mindful, to concentrate and focus your mind on Amituofo.
The monastics take such good care of us. And they are truly walking the Middle Way. They know when to apply pressure, when to sweet talk you, when to inspire, when to question. The only wish/concern they have, is for you to seriously practice.
But of course conditions change....and I have a huge fear of this impermanence.
May the conditions at CTS be perfect for those who want to practice the Pureland way.
That being said, those of us who have the good fortune to go to CTS, are truly blessed, or have planted good seeds along our spiritual journey.
The conditions are CTS are PERFECT. For serious cultivation.
It is truly hard to find a temple/place, where almost everything is thought of, taken care of, for you, so that you can practice. And do nothing but focus on Amituofo.
The whole system and structure is such that you have the best opportunity to practice, to be mindful, to concentrate and focus your mind on Amituofo.
The monastics take such good care of us. And they are truly walking the Middle Way. They know when to apply pressure, when to sweet talk you, when to inspire, when to question. The only wish/concern they have, is for you to seriously practice.
But of course conditions change....and I have a huge fear of this impermanence.
May the conditions at CTS be perfect for those who want to practice the Pureland way.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Reliance on Amituofo - CTS 4
A continuation to the lousy start
When I was sick, I was praying to Amituofo, to help me recover, to let me hang in there, to keep me going, even if I had to force myself to wake up every morning at 3.30am.
There was once, I went though the whole prostration activity (it was 30 mins), in shutdown/sleep walking moment. Dont ask me how I did it, but i did. When the 30mins was up, I seemed to open my eyes and realised that I went through the motions of prostrating for the last 30 mins, without being aware of it. I was very very surprised that I didn't faint there and than.
In fact, talking about fainting, I came close a few times, but often I ask either Amituofo or Guan Yin for their support and strength to let me hang in there, to just last for a few more mins, or even seconds. (Tho I was also mostly counting down to the end of the session).
And I was always blessed by their strength. In fact, I firmly believed that I "survived" my cold because of their blessings and support. It was definitely a very bad cold, one that would typically take about weeks to fully recover from, but I was mostly ok after 5-6 days.
Every day, I would seek Amituofo's assistance to get through that day, and somehow, deep inside me, I know that I would recover, and that the next day would come with me having gotten rid of some slight irritation. It might be a mixture of blessings plus strong will, but I asked to recover from my sore throat by the next day, and it happen. I sort of set timelines for my recovery, and they were more or less met.
If that is not divine "intervention", I wont know what is.
Seeking blessings/support from Amituofo is one thing, believing in him/that it would happen is another.
Often, we ask, but we do not have faith. OR that we doubt. And that wont do. We must have the faith or the "wisdom" to know, and believe that our prayers will be answered. And if not, either the conditions are not right, or that we were meant to learn something from it.
Relying on Amituofo is actually not an easy task. It takes a lot of faith to really put your life in his hands. But we must have the wisdom to know the balance between self reliance and over reliance.
When I was sick, I was praying to Amituofo, to help me recover, to let me hang in there, to keep me going, even if I had to force myself to wake up every morning at 3.30am.
There was once, I went though the whole prostration activity (it was 30 mins), in shutdown/sleep walking moment. Dont ask me how I did it, but i did. When the 30mins was up, I seemed to open my eyes and realised that I went through the motions of prostrating for the last 30 mins, without being aware of it. I was very very surprised that I didn't faint there and than.
In fact, talking about fainting, I came close a few times, but often I ask either Amituofo or Guan Yin for their support and strength to let me hang in there, to just last for a few more mins, or even seconds. (Tho I was also mostly counting down to the end of the session).
And I was always blessed by their strength. In fact, I firmly believed that I "survived" my cold because of their blessings and support. It was definitely a very bad cold, one that would typically take about weeks to fully recover from, but I was mostly ok after 5-6 days.
Every day, I would seek Amituofo's assistance to get through that day, and somehow, deep inside me, I know that I would recover, and that the next day would come with me having gotten rid of some slight irritation. It might be a mixture of blessings plus strong will, but I asked to recover from my sore throat by the next day, and it happen. I sort of set timelines for my recovery, and they were more or less met.
If that is not divine "intervention", I wont know what is.
Seeking blessings/support from Amituofo is one thing, believing in him/that it would happen is another.
Often, we ask, but we do not have faith. OR that we doubt. And that wont do. We must have the faith or the "wisdom" to know, and believe that our prayers will be answered. And if not, either the conditions are not right, or that we were meant to learn something from it.
Relying on Amituofo is actually not an easy task. It takes a lot of faith to really put your life in his hands. But we must have the wisdom to know the balance between self reliance and over reliance.
Monday, January 10, 2011
A lousy start - CTS 3
I am not sure if that is an appropriate title, but since that was the first thought, we will go with that.
It definitely felt as if it was a very lousy start to the 3 weeks retreat. I caught a very bad cold the first day there, and was sniffing and enduring a blocked and dripping nose for a couple of days, with fever (I suspect since I never took my temperature) and a sore throat.
honestly, it was a very miserable time. I took those chinese flu tea, and I was feeling hot and cold and breaking out in cold sweat and chills. Which is probably the flu tea working. It is a very crap feeling, to be in a cold hall, but feeling hot at times and sticky coz of the sweat and thick clothes.
and of course, I didn't manage to practice much during those few days. maybe it is an excuse, but when you are prostrating and your head is down on the mat for a few long long seconds, the mucus flows down and you can't breathe. and i cant deal with that sort of distraction. maybe if i were a better practitioner, the focus of Amituofo will keep the discomfort away, but i am not there yet.
yet, the pros of the prostration, it allows my airway to be cleared. hahaha. talk about an irony.
So half the time (actually, all of the time), when others were chanting and prostrating, I was thinking to myself, dont let my nose drip, when can I exit to clear my nose, how much longer will this take, etc...
u know, (if u read last year's entry), prostration is the activity which I have the least concentration for. Coz it gives me dizzy spells, and last year, I was very slack with my prostrations, often lazing and using the time to take a long toilet break.
so one thought that came to me....i deserved the "punishment", for not concentrating last year. Yet as mentioned, the downward flow cleared my air passage, so prostration actually became my "favourite" activity this year. (At least during the cold period)
it is interesting to review all the thoughts and happenings revolving around the prostration activity. (will go deeper into that later)...
when i was sick, i was wondering to myself, are my negative karma that heavy that i am being prevented from practicing. of course i do not have any answer to that, but no matter what, the cold taught me lessons as well.
it would be great if the cold allowed me to clear away some obstacles to my practice, but even if it didnt, the importance of practicing at every single moment is etched deeply into my mind. it was truly difficult to even chant a single Amituofo when one is ill, yet that is when we would need it the most!
keep practicing my friends, for we do not know if in the next moment, that single amituofo will save us....
It definitely felt as if it was a very lousy start to the 3 weeks retreat. I caught a very bad cold the first day there, and was sniffing and enduring a blocked and dripping nose for a couple of days, with fever (I suspect since I never took my temperature) and a sore throat.
honestly, it was a very miserable time. I took those chinese flu tea, and I was feeling hot and cold and breaking out in cold sweat and chills. Which is probably the flu tea working. It is a very crap feeling, to be in a cold hall, but feeling hot at times and sticky coz of the sweat and thick clothes.
and of course, I didn't manage to practice much during those few days. maybe it is an excuse, but when you are prostrating and your head is down on the mat for a few long long seconds, the mucus flows down and you can't breathe. and i cant deal with that sort of distraction. maybe if i were a better practitioner, the focus of Amituofo will keep the discomfort away, but i am not there yet.
yet, the pros of the prostration, it allows my airway to be cleared. hahaha. talk about an irony.
So half the time (actually, all of the time), when others were chanting and prostrating, I was thinking to myself, dont let my nose drip, when can I exit to clear my nose, how much longer will this take, etc...
u know, (if u read last year's entry), prostration is the activity which I have the least concentration for. Coz it gives me dizzy spells, and last year, I was very slack with my prostrations, often lazing and using the time to take a long toilet break.
so one thought that came to me....i deserved the "punishment", for not concentrating last year. Yet as mentioned, the downward flow cleared my air passage, so prostration actually became my "favourite" activity this year. (At least during the cold period)
it is interesting to review all the thoughts and happenings revolving around the prostration activity. (will go deeper into that later)...
when i was sick, i was wondering to myself, are my negative karma that heavy that i am being prevented from practicing. of course i do not have any answer to that, but no matter what, the cold taught me lessons as well.
it would be great if the cold allowed me to clear away some obstacles to my practice, but even if it didnt, the importance of practicing at every single moment is etched deeply into my mind. it was truly difficult to even chant a single Amituofo when one is ill, yet that is when we would need it the most!
keep practicing my friends, for we do not know if in the next moment, that single amituofo will save us....
Retreat bootcamp once again - CTS 2
I keep a diary, but I do not write often in it, but I always bring it around with me, in case of any sudden thoughts or insights. (Yes, I know I should invest in an iphone or smtg, but i find that the old fashioned way is still the best)
And of course, it went with me to Taiwan in Dec 2010 for the Amituofo retreat at Cheng Tian Si. During the retreat itself, I didnt take down any notes. Coz I was honestly unsure if that was allowed. That I can only focus on Amituofo, and not any of the other random thoughts that go across my mind.
But I took the chance at the airport while waiting for the return flight to quickly jot down all my thoughts and reflections from the retreat.
Looking at the last entry in the diary, I had to smile at myself, for it was also a Dec entry, dated from the year before, after 2009's retreat. It just shows, how long it had been since I wrote.
Anyway, I came back from the retreat with loads and loads of new insights, better understanding about myself and the environment, about my practice, etc.
Pls keep an eye out for my upcoming entries. I clocked over 20 last year for CTS (if I remembered correctly), and I think there will be a similar number this year (if not more)
Cheng Tian Chan Si is a temple off Taipei City, up on a hill, with beautiful scenery and wonderful energy.
But it is definitely right to call the retreat a boot camp, coz nothing in Singapore can prepare you for the kind of training that they are trying to install, the discipline that they enforce and wish to instill in each of the retreatants.
If I may go as far to say, it is worst than BMT (army training), simply coz there's noble silence and penalty badges. At least in BMT, you can bitch and complain to one another, have means to let go steam. When you have to be silent, everything is stored up inside, and if you are not good with self reflection or solitary moments, it could honestly be quite a hard time to get by. And the penalty badges. Well, that would depend on ur attitude towards the training....(I have an experience on that, share more later).
BUT all in all, it is a boot camp that I will willingly go for every year. Simply because it is GOOD! IT benefits me, and my practice.
Read my reflections to experience my learnings, and may you also learn and gain something from my lessons.
I would encourage all Pureland practitioners to GO for it!!!!
Amituofo
And of course, it went with me to Taiwan in Dec 2010 for the Amituofo retreat at Cheng Tian Si. During the retreat itself, I didnt take down any notes. Coz I was honestly unsure if that was allowed. That I can only focus on Amituofo, and not any of the other random thoughts that go across my mind.
But I took the chance at the airport while waiting for the return flight to quickly jot down all my thoughts and reflections from the retreat.
Looking at the last entry in the diary, I had to smile at myself, for it was also a Dec entry, dated from the year before, after 2009's retreat. It just shows, how long it had been since I wrote.
Anyway, I came back from the retreat with loads and loads of new insights, better understanding about myself and the environment, about my practice, etc.
Pls keep an eye out for my upcoming entries. I clocked over 20 last year for CTS (if I remembered correctly), and I think there will be a similar number this year (if not more)
Cheng Tian Chan Si is a temple off Taipei City, up on a hill, with beautiful scenery and wonderful energy.
But it is definitely right to call the retreat a boot camp, coz nothing in Singapore can prepare you for the kind of training that they are trying to install, the discipline that they enforce and wish to instill in each of the retreatants.
If I may go as far to say, it is worst than BMT (army training), simply coz there's noble silence and penalty badges. At least in BMT, you can bitch and complain to one another, have means to let go steam. When you have to be silent, everything is stored up inside, and if you are not good with self reflection or solitary moments, it could honestly be quite a hard time to get by. And the penalty badges. Well, that would depend on ur attitude towards the training....(I have an experience on that, share more later).
BUT all in all, it is a boot camp that I will willingly go for every year. Simply because it is GOOD! IT benefits me, and my practice.
Read my reflections to experience my learnings, and may you also learn and gain something from my lessons.
I would encourage all Pureland practitioners to GO for it!!!!
Amituofo
Cheng Tian Si once again - CTS 1
Once again, more entries of the lessons and experience of my retreat at Cheng Tian Si.
Look out for the latest entries with CTS at the back.
If you are free, you can read through last year's CTS entries. There is always more to learn!
Look out for the latest entries with CTS at the back.
If you are free, you can read through last year's CTS entries. There is always more to learn!
2011 - A fresh new year
Is that how you often view the new year?
With fresh new hopes for the new year, thinking that you can redo/undo/do all the old and start on the new?
We hold a yearly gathering at our home, for a group of close university friends to share and close the old year, and write resolutions for the new.
Our new year resolutions parties have been going on for the past 6 years.
And as I reviewed all the resolutions written in the last 4/5 year, I found that it has a common thread, that Buddhism, spiritual development/cultivation has been placed first. And that over the years, I have still failed to achieve my "resolutions".
But now, I am at the stage where I can accept the "failure", that once again, I didnt achieve what I set out to do, which is to practice.
But it's ok. I have accepted that I am only human, that I make mistakes. The only mistake I will endeavor not to make, is to not learn from my mistakes.
With fresh new hopes for the new year, thinking that you can redo/undo/do all the old and start on the new?
We hold a yearly gathering at our home, for a group of close university friends to share and close the old year, and write resolutions for the new.
Our new year resolutions parties have been going on for the past 6 years.
And as I reviewed all the resolutions written in the last 4/5 year, I found that it has a common thread, that Buddhism, spiritual development/cultivation has been placed first. And that over the years, I have still failed to achieve my "resolutions".
But now, I am at the stage where I can accept the "failure", that once again, I didnt achieve what I set out to do, which is to practice.
But it's ok. I have accepted that I am only human, that I make mistakes. The only mistake I will endeavor not to make, is to not learn from my mistakes.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
So much suffering
The more I am involved in social work, the more suffering I see.
And the practical me cannot see the way out to reduce all the suffering around.
I started this entry almost a year ago. But it has been sitting in my draft box for a long long time.
But now, I think I have a better idea of suffering. A "solution" to the questions that I had.
There is no conventional way of being able to reduce the suffering of those around us. How much money can we donate, how much time can we spend doing volunteer work, how can we stop natural disasters from happening...We can give of our all, but there is a limit to that, and normally, it is not sufficient to stop or even reduce human suffering.
I see the suffering, and there was nothing I can do.
After some experiences, I realised that while there is a limit to what I can do, as long as I have given of my best, and am true to myself, that is sufficient. In addition, the real method to deal with suffering, be it our own, or others, is simply, to ACCEPT IT.
Accept that there will forever be suffering until all sentient beings are enlightened. That suffering just is. That the suffering, should provide us with the drive and motivation to study and practice the Dharma.
The understanding of the First Noble Truth.
I see and accept suffering.
I started this entry almost a year ago. But it has been sitting in my draft box for a long long time.
But now, I think I have a better idea of suffering. A "solution" to the questions that I had.
There is no conventional way of being able to reduce the suffering of those around us. How much money can we donate, how much time can we spend doing volunteer work, how can we stop natural disasters from happening...We can give of our all, but there is a limit to that, and normally, it is not sufficient to stop or even reduce human suffering.
I see the suffering, and there was nothing I can do.
After some experiences, I realised that while there is a limit to what I can do, as long as I have given of my best, and am true to myself, that is sufficient. In addition, the real method to deal with suffering, be it our own, or others, is simply, to ACCEPT IT.
Accept that there will forever be suffering until all sentient beings are enlightened. That suffering just is. That the suffering, should provide us with the drive and motivation to study and practice the Dharma.
The understanding of the First Noble Truth.
I see and accept suffering.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
To choose to Suffer
Who on earth would choose to suffer?
Not the typical average human being.
If you are/want to practice, you will choose suffering. For that is the easiest and fastest way to cultivate.
I understand that fact, but that does not mean that I am able to happily accept the suffering that comes my way.
I look at the suffering, I know deep in my mind that it is for my own cultivation sake/good, but the ignorance and wrong views arise, and "argues" with me, that I do not need all this. And it is a struggle, to accept that suffering. Especially when there is the option to reject the suffering lesson, to continue to hold on to unwholesome thoughts, etc.
And I undergo 2 levels of suffering.
The actual suffering, and the suffering of suffering. I suffer because I need to accept the suffering, and I do not want to.
Argh. Double the power.
Some parts of me want the suffering, but the other rejects.
I am still struggling, I am still suffering
Not the typical average human being.
If you are/want to practice, you will choose suffering. For that is the easiest and fastest way to cultivate.
I understand that fact, but that does not mean that I am able to happily accept the suffering that comes my way.
I look at the suffering, I know deep in my mind that it is for my own cultivation sake/good, but the ignorance and wrong views arise, and "argues" with me, that I do not need all this. And it is a struggle, to accept that suffering. Especially when there is the option to reject the suffering lesson, to continue to hold on to unwholesome thoughts, etc.
And I undergo 2 levels of suffering.
The actual suffering, and the suffering of suffering. I suffer because I need to accept the suffering, and I do not want to.
Argh. Double the power.
Some parts of me want the suffering, but the other rejects.
I am still struggling, I am still suffering
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Collection of suffering
I am a Pureland practitioner. And I want to practice the Bodhisattva path.
Is there a conflict? In my mind, there isn't. But some might think so.
Simply because Bodhisattvas typically return to "earth" in order to benefit other sentient beings, versus staying in Pureland to cultivate, which takes a much much longer time, due to the purity and conducive-ness of the environment.
When there is less suffering, we get much less fertilizers to practice and cultivate.
This is an issue that I have been thinking about, and I often question my own motivations.
I understand the need for suffering fertilizers, but I am still a young learner, and the fertilizers do not always work the way they should.
Maybe it is my own doubts and fears, that I will not always have the conditions to practice if I am reborn as a human, that I will regress and "forget" my aspirations to benefit other sentient beings.
Or it is my own mind justifying, that I will return to help others, when I have sufficient realisations, such that I will not regress.
In any case, I know what and why I chose the path I chose. A mixture of fear, of aspirations, of reliance on external assistance.
Amituofo
Is there a conflict? In my mind, there isn't. But some might think so.
Simply because Bodhisattvas typically return to "earth" in order to benefit other sentient beings, versus staying in Pureland to cultivate, which takes a much much longer time, due to the purity and conducive-ness of the environment.
When there is less suffering, we get much less fertilizers to practice and cultivate.
This is an issue that I have been thinking about, and I often question my own motivations.
I understand the need for suffering fertilizers, but I am still a young learner, and the fertilizers do not always work the way they should.
Maybe it is my own doubts and fears, that I will not always have the conditions to practice if I am reborn as a human, that I will regress and "forget" my aspirations to benefit other sentient beings.
Or it is my own mind justifying, that I will return to help others, when I have sufficient realisations, such that I will not regress.
In any case, I know what and why I chose the path I chose. A mixture of fear, of aspirations, of reliance on external assistance.
Amituofo
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