Collection of suffering

I am a Pureland practitioner. And I want to practice the Bodhisattva path.
Is there a conflict? In my mind, there isn't. But some might think so.

Simply because Bodhisattvas typically return to "earth" in order to benefit other sentient beings, versus staying in Pureland to cultivate, which takes a much much longer time, due to the purity and conducive-ness of the environment.
When there is less suffering, we get much less fertilizers to practice and cultivate.

This is an issue that I have been thinking about, and I often question my own motivations.

I understand the need for suffering fertilizers, but I am still a young learner, and the fertilizers do not always work the way they should.

Maybe it is my own doubts and fears, that I will not always have the conditions to practice if I am reborn as a human, that I will regress and "forget" my aspirations to benefit other sentient beings.

Or it is my own mind justifying, that I will return to help others, when I have sufficient realisations, such that I will not regress.

In any case, I know what and why I chose the path I chose. A mixture of fear, of aspirations, of reliance on external assistance.

Amituofo

3 weeks in CTS

Flying off to Taipei today, for a 3 week retreat at Cheng Tian Si.
And I am looking forward to it.

Maybe I have certain expectations, and my motivations are not very clear, but I simply hope to take the chance to practice.

It has been a very lesson filled (ie full of suffering) 2010.

May I be guided by Amitabha Buddha during my practice.
Amituofo

Very good advice - How to practice

Extracted from Eastern Horizon, Aug 2004

Just read it recently. It was an interview question, but I tot it sum up very concisely/perfectly, how we as Buddhists should practice:

Just develop your own Dharma practice as strongly as possible with the assistance of good teachers and good friends.

Deepen your own understanding and experience of dukkha within yourself, strive to realise change (anicca) in every moment, and make every effort to see clearly selflessness (anatta); make letting go of self as natural as breathing.

Purify your own intention and keep on developing your practice.

Make every effort to cultivate the four divine abodes (brahmaviharas)
- Loving-kindness (metta)
- Compassion (karuna)
- Joy (mudita)
- Equanimity (upekkha)

Stay balanced and try to abandon what you want in favour of what might most benefit others who are suffering.

Above all, never forget that you have taken refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, (not in yourself), and allow this taking refuge to develop, deepen and flower every single day.

Bothered by little things

Why do we bother? Is it really that important? Or are we just influenced by our own expectations of how we want people
to view us?

It still bugs me. Meaning I still can't let go. I am still attached. Attached to people's impression of me.
If it is my fault, it just is. So accept it, learn from it and move on.

Breathe relax accept learn let go

There is suffering
I am still suffering

I want to smoke

Whenever that statement creeps into my mind, I know I am in deep shit, that I have hit yet another major bottleneck.

I am not a real smoker (if there ever is that sort of definition).
But I rely on the action of smoking, on the psychological aspect of reliance, on that false coolness that a smoking individual thinks he has.

It is a form of escape, maybe denial, and false sense of security.
I see all that, know all that.

I think i want to smoke, but i never do.
But that does not change the fact that at some level, I am viewing smoking as a solution, that it can reduce my suffering for that moment.

An unwholesome and wrong view, but one that still pops up when I am totally stressed or depressed.

I will train my mindfulness level, to stop that train of thought....

Walk the Middle Path - 1

As part of the project team, I must admit that I havent really internalised the lessons/teachings that the Agree to Disagree booklet is trying to inculcate/share.

Yes, I do firmly believe in the premise of Agree to Disagree, but I am still human. While I am open enough, I do have the fear that others who do not understand the truth will forever suffer. And pray tell, how different does that make me from the evangalising religions? Of course I am not in the face when I share, and I do know how to back off, but the underlying premise, is still the fact that I see the value and benefits of following the Buddha's teachings. And that I would like one and all, not to suffer much longer, and to have happiness and be liberated!

Walk the Middle Path

Why didn't you wait for me. ...

I have been trying hard to process everything.
I still need a good, strong reflection. And my blog has been dormant for e longest time.
Which on retrospect, is a very very good thing. One should never write until you are
sure of everything.

Of course impermanence is e word of e moment, but still, lessons need to be learnt and
processed on many different levels. Something that I have yet to achieve.
Hence e quiet blog.

I have a long long way to go. Understand on e intellectual level but not yet fully
realized. I am still struggling.

I see the suffering, e 3 poisons wrecking my life, but I still hold on tight to my
delusions. Maybe because those are comfortable, convenient and that practicing is
way too much work.

Of course I know that applying is e only way out. But I m still human. Sad but true.

So where do I go from here? Cultivate la. Make full use of e opportunity to cultivate,
to meditate on all e learning, so as to achieve realisations.