I am currently taking an examination.
One that will only end with the passing of this life.
The 7 day retreat is only primary education (if I may term it that way). The real test comes now!
Where in the samsaric world, how much we have trained or learnt, would be apparent to all.
Being home is the real test, to observe how much I have trained, such that I am constantly mindful of Amituofo.
Amituofo
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Not a yard stick - CTS 21
Venerable shared that:
Buddhism is meant to be applied in our daily lives, for our happiness, and not to be utilised as a yardstick with which to measure others.
It might sound like common sense, but how many of us truly practice correctly.
Even as Buddhist, we have the tendency to judge and comment that that person shouldnt be doing this or that simply because they happen to be Buddhist.
Buddhist philosophy or principles (or however you wish to term it), is simply guidelines for us to live our lives in order to have happiness. It is meant to be applied to oneself, and not to discriminate or judge others.
I am still judging. I only pray that I can develop more mindfulness to increase euqanimity.
Buddhism is meant to be applied in our daily lives, for our happiness, and not to be utilised as a yardstick with which to measure others.
It might sound like common sense, but how many of us truly practice correctly.
Even as Buddhist, we have the tendency to judge and comment that that person shouldnt be doing this or that simply because they happen to be Buddhist.
Buddhist philosophy or principles (or however you wish to term it), is simply guidelines for us to live our lives in order to have happiness. It is meant to be applied to oneself, and not to discriminate or judge others.
I am still judging. I only pray that I can develop more mindfulness to increase euqanimity.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Seek and you shall find - CTS 20
This is a "side" experience.
After the retreat ended, we obviously needed to clean up and put the place back to right.
So there we were, all doing some sort of chores, like packing up the blankets, washing the bed sheets, clearing up the racks, etc.
I was hanging up the bedsheets with a few others, chatting away, when I jokingly said that my right arm was aching from all the lifting, and that I should seek assistance from Amituofo. (So I started chanting in my heart). And true enough, within the next few minutes, a senior came over and shared her method of hanging, such that it is less strenous on the arm.
See, as long as you are sincere and believe deep in your help, assistance will arrive.
Actually, I believe that is true for alot of instances. It is just that we do not believe fully and hence do not see/view the "miracles" that happen.
After the retreat ended, we obviously needed to clean up and put the place back to right.
So there we were, all doing some sort of chores, like packing up the blankets, washing the bed sheets, clearing up the racks, etc.
I was hanging up the bedsheets with a few others, chatting away, when I jokingly said that my right arm was aching from all the lifting, and that I should seek assistance from Amituofo. (So I started chanting in my heart). And true enough, within the next few minutes, a senior came over and shared her method of hanging, such that it is less strenous on the arm.
See, as long as you are sincere and believe deep in your help, assistance will arrive.
Actually, I believe that is true for alot of instances. It is just that we do not believe fully and hence do not see/view the "miracles" that happen.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Expectations delusions - CTS 19
Hm...I suppose that in our deluded nature, it is natural to have expectations.
So naturally, I had expectations about the retreat.
I guess I was hoping to be able to achieve something, to be able to concentrate, to learn more, etc.
And yet, it is due to our deluded nature that we have expectations.
There were moments during the retreat where I wanted to cry. I just had that hopeless feeling, where I want to hole up somewhere and let my tears drop.
If I were to pause now and reflect, I have realised that it is due to my own expectations. I felt down simply because I couldnt concentrate, that my mind was still wondering, that I assumed I would be able to achieve something, that I was failing in my practice.
But no one was judging me. If I had given of my best, than who can fault me (not that I have of course, but oh well).
Expectations are truly fearful. For they could lead to us giving up, and yet they are only delusions that are seeking to lead us astray.
I should have transformed those energies into my practice.
It is only because we think we are right, that we should be that good, that we have "inaccurate expectations".
Expectations of any form is a type of suffering. Let us not fall into that hole, and create more trouble for ourselves.
So naturally, I had expectations about the retreat.
I guess I was hoping to be able to achieve something, to be able to concentrate, to learn more, etc.
And yet, it is due to our deluded nature that we have expectations.
There were moments during the retreat where I wanted to cry. I just had that hopeless feeling, where I want to hole up somewhere and let my tears drop.
If I were to pause now and reflect, I have realised that it is due to my own expectations. I felt down simply because I couldnt concentrate, that my mind was still wondering, that I assumed I would be able to achieve something, that I was failing in my practice.
But no one was judging me. If I had given of my best, than who can fault me (not that I have of course, but oh well).
Expectations are truly fearful. For they could lead to us giving up, and yet they are only delusions that are seeking to lead us astray.
I should have transformed those energies into my practice.
It is only because we think we are right, that we should be that good, that we have "inaccurate expectations".
Expectations of any form is a type of suffering. Let us not fall into that hole, and create more trouble for ourselves.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
86400 佛号 - CTS 17
For the past one year or so, I have been setting homework for myself daily (which I often fail to do). It had ranged from Buddha's name recitation to sutra recitation and prostrations. And no matter how the variation and quantity changed, I still couldnt do it.
I would procrastinate or not be able to find the time or energy to sit down to my practice. And that was precisely why I left my job in the first place, to create the time and opportunity for my spiritual cultivation.
Of course there were a lot of factors to my failure. One of which was motivation.
I had the wrong motivation (had shared this previously), and I didnt (and still havent) fully realised impermanence. If I had, I would be fully motivated to sit and practice, as we never know when time will be running out. To keep thinking that I will make it up tomorrow is the wrong attitude, for we might not be here tomorrow.
The Venerables reminded us of the importance of having the correct motivations for our practice; that to develop bodhicitta is one of them.
More importantly, another lesson which I learnt was total mindfulness of the Buddha's name. I have tried to be mindful, but when I start working, or doing anything, the Triple Gems are pushed to the back of my mind, and instead, I would be rushing and sweating over the tiny details in the work.
It came to me (or rather, I was reminded), that one of the correct way to practice is to be constantly mindful of the Buddha's name. And (to me for now) it seems to be a easier applied method, and more beneficial coz it would also impact our daily living. That the daily application of our practice is more "value-added" (in some sense).
So one of my minor aspirations is a daily homework of 86400 佛号, meaning constant mindfulness of the Buddha's name.
阿弥驼佛
I would procrastinate or not be able to find the time or energy to sit down to my practice. And that was precisely why I left my job in the first place, to create the time and opportunity for my spiritual cultivation.
Of course there were a lot of factors to my failure. One of which was motivation.
I had the wrong motivation (had shared this previously), and I didnt (and still havent) fully realised impermanence. If I had, I would be fully motivated to sit and practice, as we never know when time will be running out. To keep thinking that I will make it up tomorrow is the wrong attitude, for we might not be here tomorrow.
The Venerables reminded us of the importance of having the correct motivations for our practice; that to develop bodhicitta is one of them.
More importantly, another lesson which I learnt was total mindfulness of the Buddha's name. I have tried to be mindful, but when I start working, or doing anything, the Triple Gems are pushed to the back of my mind, and instead, I would be rushing and sweating over the tiny details in the work.
It came to me (or rather, I was reminded), that one of the correct way to practice is to be constantly mindful of the Buddha's name. And (to me for now) it seems to be a easier applied method, and more beneficial coz it would also impact our daily living. That the daily application of our practice is more "value-added" (in some sense).
So one of my minor aspirations is a daily homework of 86400 佛号, meaning constant mindfulness of the Buddha's name.
阿弥驼佛
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Family Dharma - CTS 16
One of the many distrations during my practice was the thought of my family. That I have failed to share the Dharma with them, and I worry about their well-being and state upon passing on.
And somewhere came the understanding that everyone has once been our family before, and that we should also hope to benefit them, and that I shouldnt be attached to my current one.
Of course easier said than done.
Equanimity for all.
And somewhere came the understanding that everyone has once been our family before, and that we should also hope to benefit them, and that I shouldnt be attached to my current one.
Of course easier said than done.
Equanimity for all.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Is there a need to catch up on our sleep? - CTS 15
After lunch, there is like an hour break or so. For us to rest, shower, wash clothes, etc.
The first day I returned to the dorm for the noon rest time, I saw most of my bunk mates sleeping. Almost 50%. So I followed suit. Especially since I lacked sleep from waking up so early. Subsequently, I tried to use the time for my shower, or for tea.
But a fellow Singaporean taught me a very valuable lesson. There is another break around dinner time, and I suppose a number of pple also go back to catch a quick nap, or shower. When we turned to exit the hall on the second day during the dinner time break, I caught sight of my fellow Singaporean retreatant. And instead of leaving the hall, she was settling herself down to do more practice.
And instantly it struck me, that that should be what I should do, instead of hiding away in the room, trying to sleep or queuing up for a shower (but of course I still had to, and found the time to shower). So I sat back down too.
We have travelled all the way there simply to practice, And if we really need to sleep, I am of the opinion that it is better to nod off in the practice hall, than to rest in the bunk.
Time should not be wasted on a luxury. We have learnt of impermanence, but who really practices and hold it to heart. IF we did, we would not be wasting our time sleeping.
The first day I returned to the dorm for the noon rest time, I saw most of my bunk mates sleeping. Almost 50%. So I followed suit. Especially since I lacked sleep from waking up so early. Subsequently, I tried to use the time for my shower, or for tea.
But a fellow Singaporean taught me a very valuable lesson. There is another break around dinner time, and I suppose a number of pple also go back to catch a quick nap, or shower. When we turned to exit the hall on the second day during the dinner time break, I caught sight of my fellow Singaporean retreatant. And instead of leaving the hall, she was settling herself down to do more practice.
And instantly it struck me, that that should be what I should do, instead of hiding away in the room, trying to sleep or queuing up for a shower (but of course I still had to, and found the time to shower). So I sat back down too.
We have travelled all the way there simply to practice, And if we really need to sleep, I am of the opinion that it is better to nod off in the practice hall, than to rest in the bunk.
Time should not be wasted on a luxury. We have learnt of impermanence, but who really practices and hold it to heart. IF we did, we would not be wasting our time sleeping.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Any less dedication? - CTS 14
A question asked by a retreatant. "Will the merits (for my deceased relatives) be reduced if I also dedicate it to all sentient beings?"
Venerable's reply: If you use a candle to light up other candles, will your candle's light be any diminished?
There is no harm in dedicating to all sentient beings. In fact, that should be the way. To share and to benefit as many as possible. It doesnt even cost you anything.
Venerable's reply: If you use a candle to light up other candles, will your candle's light be any diminished?
There is no harm in dedicating to all sentient beings. In fact, that should be the way. To share and to benefit as many as possible. It doesnt even cost you anything.
The right level of compassion - CTS 13
Are you compassionate?
I suppose we all like to think that we are compassionate. But are we really?
Is there a right level/standard of compassion that we should aspire to reach?
Honestly, to be truly compassionate, I think it means living your life in such a way where u never cause any being any suffering, And it is no mean feat.
The kitchen at CTS goes thru all the vegetables twice, to ensure that no worms, insects are cooked/killed by accident. It is a very time consuming process. But it is proof of their compassion.
What is your proof? Besides self proclaimation
I suppose we all like to think that we are compassionate. But are we really?
Is there a right level/standard of compassion that we should aspire to reach?
Honestly, to be truly compassionate, I think it means living your life in such a way where u never cause any being any suffering, And it is no mean feat.
The kitchen at CTS goes thru all the vegetables twice, to ensure that no worms, insects are cooked/killed by accident. It is a very time consuming process. But it is proof of their compassion.
What is your proof? Besides self proclaimation
Monday, January 18, 2010
法喜冲天 - CTS 12
This should be one of the later entries, but I have better note it down before I forget.
One of the major benefits of the retreat, is the resulting peacefulness and joy in your heart. In Buddhism, we term it as 法喜, but I am not sure how to portray it in English.
Personally, it is the sense of rightness, of joy, of tranquility, or sureness, of happiness, of certainty, that results.
It is a kind of joy that lasts, that you can bring with you, that would not fade (at least no so fast).
It brings you so much peace, that you are living in the moment, and with a sense of clarity towards life.
We left the retreat with that kind of 法喜 in our hearts. And while we fear it will fade over time due to the stimulation from samsara, we are contented to have it while it lasts.
But I obtained a "deep" level of 法喜, for I left with a very clear aspiration and direction. The retreat has taught and given me the instructions that I need to continue my life, even in samsara. And the joy upon such breakthrough is hard to explain in words.
One of the major benefits of the retreat, is the resulting peacefulness and joy in your heart. In Buddhism, we term it as 法喜, but I am not sure how to portray it in English.
Personally, it is the sense of rightness, of joy, of tranquility, or sureness, of happiness, of certainty, that results.
It is a kind of joy that lasts, that you can bring with you, that would not fade (at least no so fast).
It brings you so much peace, that you are living in the moment, and with a sense of clarity towards life.
We left the retreat with that kind of 法喜 in our hearts. And while we fear it will fade over time due to the stimulation from samsara, we are contented to have it while it lasts.
But I obtained a "deep" level of 法喜, for I left with a very clear aspiration and direction. The retreat has taught and given me the instructions that I need to continue my life, even in samsara. And the joy upon such breakthrough is hard to explain in words.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Another karma and ego lesson - CTS 11
This was an even worst off lesson than the dish washing.
For every session, there is a prostration segment. And me being me, didnt take it seriously. And I have a lot of explanations for it. My knees hurt, I get dizzy with my head down for so long, etc...
Basically, I just wasnt mindful, and worst, respectful of the prostrations, and indirectly of the Triple Gems!
The prostrations are not meant to be made for fun. They are done to teach us to be humble, to see ourselves as lower than others (so as to develop compassion), to fully "let go" and take refuge in the Triple Gems.
And I made a joke out of the segment. I was either day dreaming, napping or using it as a toilet-cum-tea break.
Yes, it's all my fault. Well, we could use this segment to go to the toilet, but I overdid it when I was planning/timing my toilet break, so that I didnt have to queue, or that I could spent less time prostrating. My mind was either on my tea, or the toilet. Or trying to hang on so that I didnt get too dizzy in the process. OR napping. I wasnt sleeping sleeping, but when my head was down on the cushion, with my eyes closed, I was seriously resting and not even focusing on the recitation (the prostrations are executed according to the recitation of Amituofo).
In short, I didnt take it seriously when I should be focusing all my attention on it.
So of course I got my payback.
After the retreat ended, and we were going to leave, we went to pay respects to the Venerables. And we made prostrations as a form of respect. Down we went, and up, crack, I either strained or slightly twisted my ankle. (I always have problems with my feet/legs, but that's not the point). And straight away, I connected the cause of it.
My lax and lousy attitude towards the prostrations. Argh.... of course, who can i blame but myself.
My ankle is still giving my trouble down, tho it is better already.
During the sharing session, a retreatant was praising a fellow retreatant on her perfect prostrations, which were done with precision, mindfully and with concentration. That is truly praiseworthy.
And that is my goal. Not to be praised, but to "perfect" my prostrations, to be one of respect and humility.
For every session, there is a prostration segment. And me being me, didnt take it seriously. And I have a lot of explanations for it. My knees hurt, I get dizzy with my head down for so long, etc...
Basically, I just wasnt mindful, and worst, respectful of the prostrations, and indirectly of the Triple Gems!
The prostrations are not meant to be made for fun. They are done to teach us to be humble, to see ourselves as lower than others (so as to develop compassion), to fully "let go" and take refuge in the Triple Gems.
And I made a joke out of the segment. I was either day dreaming, napping or using it as a toilet-cum-tea break.
Yes, it's all my fault. Well, we could use this segment to go to the toilet, but I overdid it when I was planning/timing my toilet break, so that I didnt have to queue, or that I could spent less time prostrating. My mind was either on my tea, or the toilet. Or trying to hang on so that I didnt get too dizzy in the process. OR napping. I wasnt sleeping sleeping, but when my head was down on the cushion, with my eyes closed, I was seriously resting and not even focusing on the recitation (the prostrations are executed according to the recitation of Amituofo).
In short, I didnt take it seriously when I should be focusing all my attention on it.
So of course I got my payback.
After the retreat ended, and we were going to leave, we went to pay respects to the Venerables. And we made prostrations as a form of respect. Down we went, and up, crack, I either strained or slightly twisted my ankle. (I always have problems with my feet/legs, but that's not the point). And straight away, I connected the cause of it.
My lax and lousy attitude towards the prostrations. Argh.... of course, who can i blame but myself.
My ankle is still giving my trouble down, tho it is better already.
During the sharing session, a retreatant was praising a fellow retreatant on her perfect prostrations, which were done with precision, mindfully and with concentration. That is truly praiseworthy.
And that is my goal. Not to be praised, but to "perfect" my prostrations, to be one of respect and humility.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
My least favourite chore - CTS 10
What is your least favourite chore? As a general rule, I dont like to wash dishes (who really does), but it is not something that I hate to do. It's just that I am very picky on how to wash it, etc.
Anyway, there is a session after breakfast for our daily chores. We are all assigned to help out with some temple chores. And no surprises, mine was to wash dishes. And everyday while I was washing, if I am not mindful enough, I would think to myself, that this is karma at work. For I have escaped so many years of dish washing, now it is finally my turn to pay it back.
It is no simple feat to wash the dishes. Coz we are washing for abt 200 (?). Of course there is a big group of us, with some sort of system, but it is still challenging. (I wanted to say exhausting, but that is not really right)
I have tried to wiggle out of dish washing all the time, either ignoring, or dragging my feet so that I wont have to wash them. And in this single trip, I think I have washed all the dishes that I have used in the past. Pots and pans as well.
If this is not cause and effect, I dont know what is.
There is no such thing as a free lunch. There will always be conditions attached.
In which case, we should forever and always be mindful of our body, speech and mind.
So that we do not plant negative seeds and have to endure through its ripening.
Washing dishes is a small issue. I fear to contemplate what other negative results I would get due to my past actions.
Be mindful always.
Amituofo
Anyway, there is a session after breakfast for our daily chores. We are all assigned to help out with some temple chores. And no surprises, mine was to wash dishes. And everyday while I was washing, if I am not mindful enough, I would think to myself, that this is karma at work. For I have escaped so many years of dish washing, now it is finally my turn to pay it back.
It is no simple feat to wash the dishes. Coz we are washing for abt 200 (?). Of course there is a big group of us, with some sort of system, but it is still challenging. (I wanted to say exhausting, but that is not really right)
I have tried to wiggle out of dish washing all the time, either ignoring, or dragging my feet so that I wont have to wash them. And in this single trip, I think I have washed all the dishes that I have used in the past. Pots and pans as well.
If this is not cause and effect, I dont know what is.
There is no such thing as a free lunch. There will always be conditions attached.
In which case, we should forever and always be mindful of our body, speech and mind.
So that we do not plant negative seeds and have to endure through its ripening.
Washing dishes is a small issue. I fear to contemplate what other negative results I would get due to my past actions.
Be mindful always.
Amituofo
Friday, January 15, 2010
Looking down at Samsara - CTS 9
It is not exactly right to have the title as such, but that was really how I felt at Cheng Tian Si.
The temple is to the south of Taipei City, and is situated on a hill top. As such, when night falls, and the surrounding is dark, the contrast with lights from the City centre is very striking.
Very often, during my break time, I would want to stand along the corridor, and look out, at all the lights down below. And some how, it gives me the feeling that where the lights are, is samsara.
The bright and gay world where beings only want their own happiness. Where light is not used to illuminate the delusions and illusions of our existence, but to further reinforce the reality which we humans have perpetuated.
And at that moment, I thank all and the universe that I have the chance to practice, that I made it to Cheng Tian Si. That I was shown the contrast. That I would develop the drive to cultivate and liberate myself from cyclic existence.
I am still in samsara. But at least I was shown (even if it's for a single moment), the illusion that our life is fabulous and wonderful.
The temple is to the south of Taipei City, and is situated on a hill top. As such, when night falls, and the surrounding is dark, the contrast with lights from the City centre is very striking.
Very often, during my break time, I would want to stand along the corridor, and look out, at all the lights down below. And some how, it gives me the feeling that where the lights are, is samsara.
The bright and gay world where beings only want their own happiness. Where light is not used to illuminate the delusions and illusions of our existence, but to further reinforce the reality which we humans have perpetuated.
And at that moment, I thank all and the universe that I have the chance to practice, that I made it to Cheng Tian Si. That I was shown the contrast. That I would develop the drive to cultivate and liberate myself from cyclic existence.
I am still in samsara. But at least I was shown (even if it's for a single moment), the illusion that our life is fabulous and wonderful.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Humbling the ego - CTS 8
This trip had a lot of experiences of humbling the ego....
Cheng Tian Si is known for its strict discipline, especially during retreats. Every wrong doing could result in a penalty badge, and according to the rules, 3 badges and you are out.
In the previous years, one was supposed to wear the penalty badge on your haiqing. But they have modified it to the badge being tagged on your mat in the practice hall.
There was this one time where I was almost late. Technically I wasnt late at all. I was on the 5 mins early dot. But the thing is, they are always preparing to start 5 mins before the scheduled time, ie, all are standing and waiting for the Venerables to arrive and start.
So there I was, five mins early/late, and the Sutras have already been passed out. And of worst luck, a strict Venerable was standing at my row, looking at my empty spot. Argh. I was really groaning to myself deep inside. So I had to quickly jump in, and "receive" my Sutra from the retreatant behind me. (It had always passed me)
So for that session, I was worried sick that I would end up getting a penalty badge.
And I tried to reassure myself that it was alright, that it would do good for my ego, etc.
And that was the real lesson. I didnt receive a badge in the end, but the fear of getting one, of having others know that I committed a mistake, was the lesson that my ego needed to learn.
If I truly made a mistake, than I should be brave and admit to it, and maybe even wear the badge proudly. But my ego was still too big, and gave me trouble for the "loss of face", etc.
I havent overcome this humongous ego of mine, but I work hard at ridding it bit by bit by bit.
Cheng Tian Si is known for its strict discipline, especially during retreats. Every wrong doing could result in a penalty badge, and according to the rules, 3 badges and you are out.
In the previous years, one was supposed to wear the penalty badge on your haiqing. But they have modified it to the badge being tagged on your mat in the practice hall.
There was this one time where I was almost late. Technically I wasnt late at all. I was on the 5 mins early dot. But the thing is, they are always preparing to start 5 mins before the scheduled time, ie, all are standing and waiting for the Venerables to arrive and start.
So there I was, five mins early/late, and the Sutras have already been passed out. And of worst luck, a strict Venerable was standing at my row, looking at my empty spot. Argh. I was really groaning to myself deep inside. So I had to quickly jump in, and "receive" my Sutra from the retreatant behind me. (It had always passed me)
So for that session, I was worried sick that I would end up getting a penalty badge.
And I tried to reassure myself that it was alright, that it would do good for my ego, etc.
And that was the real lesson. I didnt receive a badge in the end, but the fear of getting one, of having others know that I committed a mistake, was the lesson that my ego needed to learn.
If I truly made a mistake, than I should be brave and admit to it, and maybe even wear the badge proudly. But my ego was still too big, and gave me trouble for the "loss of face", etc.
I havent overcome this humongous ego of mine, but I work hard at ridding it bit by bit by bit.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
让我想一想 - CTS 7
The Venerables at Cheng Tian Si have my heartfelt respect. And gratitude for their encouragement and guidance and compassion and wisdom.
There is a fellow retreatant from Malaysia, who has been volunteering at the temple for some time. And once, she wanted to prove to herself that she could do other chores and help out in different ways, besides the lightweight ones which she was interested in anyway.
So she approached the Venerables to seek permission to change duties to clean the toilet. And the Venerable replied with 让我想一想.
And the reply which came back a day later was a No. For good reasons of course.
The whole point behind this entry was the fact that the Venerables walked their talk. That they do things mindfully, and just because a volunteer volunteered, it didnt mean that they jumped at the chance without thought. They took their time to slowly analyse the whole situation and weigh out every factor.
It take a strong presence of the mind and control, to be able to stand up and say 让我想一想, before diving into action, like all of us do.
There is a fellow retreatant from Malaysia, who has been volunteering at the temple for some time. And once, she wanted to prove to herself that she could do other chores and help out in different ways, besides the lightweight ones which she was interested in anyway.
So she approached the Venerables to seek permission to change duties to clean the toilet. And the Venerable replied with 让我想一想.
And the reply which came back a day later was a No. For good reasons of course.
The whole point behind this entry was the fact that the Venerables walked their talk. That they do things mindfully, and just because a volunteer volunteered, it didnt mean that they jumped at the chance without thought. They took their time to slowly analyse the whole situation and weigh out every factor.
It take a strong presence of the mind and control, to be able to stand up and say 让我想一想, before diving into action, like all of us do.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
你说呢 - CTS 6
One of the retreatants asked the Venerable a question during the retreat end sharing session.
Hm....I honestly forgot the question. Coz my thoughts were wondering (but that's for another entry)
But the Venerable replied with "你说呢"
Which we thought was a right answer.
Sometimes, we ask a question with an answer in mind, for which we only want confirmation.
Other times, the answer would be dependent on our perspectives, on so many other conditions.
Or, the question is only a matter of importance to us (due to our attachment)
There are numerous rationale and reasons that would lead to a different answer.
So, the answer of 你说呢 was brilliant!
So often, the answer can only be found by the person questioning in the first place.
What say you....
Hm....I honestly forgot the question. Coz my thoughts were wondering (but that's for another entry)
But the Venerable replied with "你说呢"
Which we thought was a right answer.
Sometimes, we ask a question with an answer in mind, for which we only want confirmation.
Other times, the answer would be dependent on our perspectives, on so many other conditions.
Or, the question is only a matter of importance to us (due to our attachment)
There are numerous rationale and reasons that would lead to a different answer.
So, the answer of 你说呢 was brilliant!
So often, the answer can only be found by the person questioning in the first place.
What say you....
Monday, January 11, 2010
Without earrings - CTS 5
As a result of taking the 8 precepts, I also had to remove my earrings. To be honest, I wasnt sure if I needed to remove them, but a kind Bodhisattva came up to me and reminded me to remove them if I took the 8 precepts.
So off they came. And I felt a wonderful lightness on my ears (after so many years of earring wear).
I used to have the tendency of touching my earrings when I was bored or figety or uncomfortable. Now, there is only my earlobes.
The lightness was amazing. It wasnt only the physical lightness. Even I felt lighter in spirit after taking off the earrings.
I was too attached to my earrings. They were part of my identity, of my ego, that I was special because I wore my earrings in a certain manner. All it needed was to take them off, for me to realise the lesson above. They are only simple earrings. It is your own self perception that deemed them to be more. That we make them more than just the plain accessories that they should be. That we absorbed them to be part of our identify, of ourselves.
I have since given up wearing earrings. I am not a dressy person, and I do not need earrings to reinforce the self that is not real.
So off they came. And I felt a wonderful lightness on my ears (after so many years of earring wear).
I used to have the tendency of touching my earrings when I was bored or figety or uncomfortable. Now, there is only my earlobes.
The lightness was amazing. It wasnt only the physical lightness. Even I felt lighter in spirit after taking off the earrings.
I was too attached to my earrings. They were part of my identity, of my ego, that I was special because I wore my earrings in a certain manner. All it needed was to take them off, for me to realise the lesson above. They are only simple earrings. It is your own self perception that deemed them to be more. That we make them more than just the plain accessories that they should be. That we absorbed them to be part of our identify, of ourselves.
I have since given up wearing earrings. I am not a dressy person, and I do not need earrings to reinforce the self that is not real.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Peer pressure - CTS 4
I took the 8 precepts during the retreat. For those who read my earlier entry, you would know that I was debating with myself on whether or not to take up the precepts. (My objections were really superficial reasons)
Anyway, I went ahead and took the precepts, and it was smooth sailing, ie i didnt faint from hunger or low blood sugar. The irony was, it was due to peer pressure that I decided to take the precepts.
Before the 8 precepts ceremony, the Venerable told the hall that those who do not want to take the precepts can leave the hall, and go for 药石. So there I was, still uncertain, but tending towards leaving, when I realised that no one was moving. [Well, I did see some leave, but majority stayed].
So no surprises, I was "pressured" into taking the 8 precepts. True, no one forced me. It was my own perception of peer pressure and expectations that made me stay. But I didnt regret it.
After going thru it once, you will realise that it is nothing to go without your dinner. Especially in a retreat setting, where the conditions are so favourable for the taking of the precepts.
In fact, it was a wonderful chance for me to experience the 8 precepts. And I thank all for "pressurising" me into it.
It also gives you less attachment to your food, because you know you can do without it once in a while. (Of course not at the expense of your health)
It was one case of peer pressure that I would not complain about.
Anyway, I went ahead and took the precepts, and it was smooth sailing, ie i didnt faint from hunger or low blood sugar. The irony was, it was due to peer pressure that I decided to take the precepts.
Before the 8 precepts ceremony, the Venerable told the hall that those who do not want to take the precepts can leave the hall, and go for 药石. So there I was, still uncertain, but tending towards leaving, when I realised that no one was moving. [Well, I did see some leave, but majority stayed].
So no surprises, I was "pressured" into taking the 8 precepts. True, no one forced me. It was my own perception of peer pressure and expectations that made me stay. But I didnt regret it.
After going thru it once, you will realise that it is nothing to go without your dinner. Especially in a retreat setting, where the conditions are so favourable for the taking of the precepts.
In fact, it was a wonderful chance for me to experience the 8 precepts. And I thank all for "pressurising" me into it.
It also gives you less attachment to your food, because you know you can do without it once in a while. (Of course not at the expense of your health)
It was one case of peer pressure that I would not complain about.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
阿弥驼佛 - CTS 3
阿弥驼佛
It was a 佛七, so mindfulness of 阿弥驼佛 was the key practice.
I have learnt so much about this 4 (or 6) characters during the seven days.
I used to do my own recitation practice (tho I am not regular about it), and I do know that I am not doing it fully right.
But it was after the retreat, the experience and the teachings of the Venerables, that I realised that I was doing it more wrong than I thought.
There is so much more to these four characters. Yes, it can lead us to Pureland, but the significance, and benefits behind it, the method with which we employ it; I gained so much.
I try to recite or stay mindful of his name in my moment to moment living. But even so, I find that I am still not mindful enough. That the chant/name recitation is just a "lip-service". (This term has never been more true.) You say it with your mouth/voice, the name might be in your mind/head, but does it come from your heart?
Does it burst out from your heart because you realise the significance, the beauty, the merits and "power" behind it?
Do you chant it truly believing that 阿弥驼佛 can bring you to Pureland based on his merits?
Are you reminded of his vows, of his compassion and wisdom, and of his eons of cultivation that brought us this lovely place for cultivation?
Is your aspiration to be reborn in Pureland so strong that each 阿弥驼佛 can bring you peace and stability? That you truly know that is where you "belong"?
Is each 阿弥驼佛 the driving force for you to concentrate, to take the next step towards Buddhahood?
阿弥驼佛 These four characters are so so important to me.
It now represents the one and only method that I can utilise to gain rebirth in the Western Pureland.
That whenever I chant it, I remind myself of my aspiration, of the compassion and perserverance of 阿弥驼佛, that he is the bridge for me to gain liberation, that I am so thankful for his compassion and vows. And I feel so ashame that I can do no more than recite his name.
阿弥驼佛
It was a 佛七, so mindfulness of 阿弥驼佛 was the key practice.
I have learnt so much about this 4 (or 6) characters during the seven days.
I used to do my own recitation practice (tho I am not regular about it), and I do know that I am not doing it fully right.
But it was after the retreat, the experience and the teachings of the Venerables, that I realised that I was doing it more wrong than I thought.
There is so much more to these four characters. Yes, it can lead us to Pureland, but the significance, and benefits behind it, the method with which we employ it; I gained so much.
I try to recite or stay mindful of his name in my moment to moment living. But even so, I find that I am still not mindful enough. That the chant/name recitation is just a "lip-service". (This term has never been more true.) You say it with your mouth/voice, the name might be in your mind/head, but does it come from your heart?
Does it burst out from your heart because you realise the significance, the beauty, the merits and "power" behind it?
Do you chant it truly believing that 阿弥驼佛 can bring you to Pureland based on his merits?
Are you reminded of his vows, of his compassion and wisdom, and of his eons of cultivation that brought us this lovely place for cultivation?
Is your aspiration to be reborn in Pureland so strong that each 阿弥驼佛 can bring you peace and stability? That you truly know that is where you "belong"?
Is each 阿弥驼佛 the driving force for you to concentrate, to take the next step towards Buddhahood?
阿弥驼佛 These four characters are so so important to me.
It now represents the one and only method that I can utilise to gain rebirth in the Western Pureland.
That whenever I chant it, I remind myself of my aspiration, of the compassion and perserverance of 阿弥驼佛, that he is the bridge for me to gain liberation, that I am so thankful for his compassion and vows. And I feel so ashame that I can do no more than recite his name.
阿弥驼佛
Friday, January 8, 2010
I didn't see myself in e mirror - CTS 2
And I still haven't realized what I saw
There were no mirrors in e toilets. Only two small round ones were hung near where e hair dryers are kept.
After a week long of going without e mirror, it felt odd to look at myself in e mirror. It is as if I have become a stranger to myself. And yet that might essentially be e truth.
We think we know or understand ourselves, but do we really?
Science can yet fully explain all phenomenon, so what gives us e right to assume that just because I m I, that I am in control?
Back to e mirror. I passed a window pane near e end of e retreat, and had to pause, coz I saw myself. But it was a shocking pause, coz there I was, looking at what I thought was myself but I couldn't recognize me. It's kind of hard to put it in words coz loads of tots were flashing by
I saw me but I didn't see me
Was I looking or seeing
What are e components that make up me, if I could be so derailed
Or was e silence of e mind so revealing that it stripped my fake sense of identity away?
My experience does tie in nicely with e emptiness concept that I am trying to realise. So hopefully, that was a realizations of sort.
If I didn't see myself, what did I see?
Life without mirrors is also a bliss
There were no mirrors in e toilets. Only two small round ones were hung near where e hair dryers are kept.
After a week long of going without e mirror, it felt odd to look at myself in e mirror. It is as if I have become a stranger to myself. And yet that might essentially be e truth.
We think we know or understand ourselves, but do we really?
Science can yet fully explain all phenomenon, so what gives us e right to assume that just because I m I, that I am in control?
Back to e mirror. I passed a window pane near e end of e retreat, and had to pause, coz I saw myself. But it was a shocking pause, coz there I was, looking at what I thought was myself but I couldn't recognize me. It's kind of hard to put it in words coz loads of tots were flashing by
I saw me but I didn't see me
Was I looking or seeing
What are e components that make up me, if I could be so derailed
Or was e silence of e mind so revealing that it stripped my fake sense of identity away?
My experience does tie in nicely with e emptiness concept that I am trying to realise. So hopefully, that was a realizations of sort.
If I didn't see myself, what did I see?
Life without mirrors is also a bliss
Thursday, January 7, 2010
It was good - CTS 1
Friends have asked about my experience at the retreat. And the first answer I would give was good/great!
And Yen (or others) would say, what kind of answer is it.
Well, it is the best answer I can give. Coz it truly was very very good. I suppose I was supposed to give examples or share stories. But typically, there isnt time to go into details, and there is so much details and experiences to share. the whole experience cant be summarised into one para!
Each moment could be disected into a learning, each action and thought worth reflection and each experience is priceless. How do I share that to you in the brief 5-10 mins of our chat or whatever?
Besides, even I myself needed more time to chew on the learnings and put it down into words to share with others.
It isnt an easy task. Because the whole experience was so "overwhelming". There were lessons to learn at every corner, every thought, every action.
Even now, I am still like a cow, going thru some of the times, and suddenly I would realise something more/new.
It really was a fabulous retreat. Like Ching Wi, I would strongly recommend it to any Pureland practitioner.
And Yen (or others) would say, what kind of answer is it.
Well, it is the best answer I can give. Coz it truly was very very good. I suppose I was supposed to give examples or share stories. But typically, there isnt time to go into details, and there is so much details and experiences to share. the whole experience cant be summarised into one para!
Each moment could be disected into a learning, each action and thought worth reflection and each experience is priceless. How do I share that to you in the brief 5-10 mins of our chat or whatever?
Besides, even I myself needed more time to chew on the learnings and put it down into words to share with others.
It isnt an easy task. Because the whole experience was so "overwhelming". There were lessons to learn at every corner, every thought, every action.
Even now, I am still like a cow, going thru some of the times, and suddenly I would realise something more/new.
It really was a fabulous retreat. Like Ching Wi, I would strongly recommend it to any Pureland practitioner.
第一个佛七 - 承天禅寺 CTS
I went for my first seven day retreat in Taipei in Dec 2009. So the rest of the entries that are titled CTS reflects my experiences and reflections gained from the retreat.
I really need to give thanks, my gratitude to a whole host of people who made this trip possible for me, that directed me there, that supported me through out my search and practice, that provided and made the environment conducive for our practice.
Truly, the list could be endless.
I just want to say 感恩 to everyone!
阿弥驼佛
I really need to give thanks, my gratitude to a whole host of people who made this trip possible for me, that directed me there, that supported me through out my search and practice, that provided and made the environment conducive for our practice.
Truly, the list could be endless.
I just want to say 感恩 to everyone!
阿弥驼佛
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Rainbows in my bottle
Quite easily achieved but I was still inspired the other day when e light entered e bottle and caused rainbows to appear.
Tho I still ain't sure how e angle was done.
It was a simple and could be normal occurrance but e simplicity and beauty of it amazed me.
I was doing my work, focusing on my laptop when I happened to look up, and saw the rainbow within.
And I can't help smiling to myself, that I could see and be reminded of e simple beauty in life.
Slowing down and looking at e beauty around and within. That is what life should be about!
Tho I still ain't sure how e angle was done.
It was a simple and could be normal occurrance but e simplicity and beauty of it amazed me.
I was doing my work, focusing on my laptop when I happened to look up, and saw the rainbow within.
And I can't help smiling to myself, that I could see and be reminded of e simple beauty in life.
Slowing down and looking at e beauty around and within. That is what life should be about!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
什么都不能做处了修行
I have never been good in e comforting role.
Maybe coz I see e irony in e attachments. ( yes, that is an excuse )
But truth is, I sometimes really fail to see or appreciate the suffering that others are going thru. I know they are suffering and I feel e pain and confusion but I do not grasp their thoughts behind it.
Hopefully it's coz I have seen thru attachments to some extent. Now that I m faced with the scenario, I find that e best and only thing I can do is retreat within myself and simply just practice.
Because that is only what I m good for. And on e wider level, that's e surest way of assisting others gain liberation. Yet I still feel that I m failing others. That's a wrong view that I need to change!
修为首
Maybe coz I see e irony in e attachments. ( yes, that is an excuse )
But truth is, I sometimes really fail to see or appreciate the suffering that others are going thru. I know they are suffering and I feel e pain and confusion but I do not grasp their thoughts behind it.
Hopefully it's coz I have seen thru attachments to some extent. Now that I m faced with the scenario, I find that e best and only thing I can do is retreat within myself and simply just practice.
Because that is only what I m good for. And on e wider level, that's e surest way of assisting others gain liberation. Yet I still feel that I m failing others. That's a wrong view that I need to change!
修为首
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Comforting the grieving.....
How does one go about that?
Social sciences have observed a grieving process, with different stages.
Yet how does one help e other thru e stages?
You can see emptiness but must not be overwhelmed by it. Empty is empty but e middle path is e one to stay on. We have so much questions. There are answers in e universe, but are they within our reach or ability to comprehend?
"I don't know" seems to be e common answer given by His Holiness Dalai Lama. And I think he got it right.
What do we humans really know, based on our limited comprehension of reality?
I am out of my depth
Social sciences have observed a grieving process, with different stages.
Yet how does one help e other thru e stages?
You can see emptiness but must not be overwhelmed by it. Empty is empty but e middle path is e one to stay on. We have so much questions. There are answers in e universe, but are they within our reach or ability to comprehend?
"I don't know" seems to be e common answer given by His Holiness Dalai Lama. And I think he got it right.
What do we humans really know, based on our limited comprehension of reality?
I am out of my depth
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Yes and No
People never understand whenever I answer yes and no to a question.
Yes and yet no is always a valid answer.
I am of e belief that no answer is a total yes or a total no. It all depends on your perspective.
From one angle, the answer could be yes, and from the other, a no.
It could also be dependent on who is answering the question. A yes from a male might be a no from a female.
So while there is a pusedo real answer, there is ultimately no real answer at all. So why can't we be more open and view things from more than one perspective, or from e other person's shoes.
Yes and yet no is always a valid answer.
I am of e belief that no answer is a total yes or a total no. It all depends on your perspective.
From one angle, the answer could be yes, and from the other, a no.
It could also be dependent on who is answering the question. A yes from a male might be a no from a female.
So while there is a pusedo real answer, there is ultimately no real answer at all. So why can't we be more open and view things from more than one perspective, or from e other person's shoes.
Friday, January 1, 2010
A new year
Just like any other.
Of course resolutions will be made but they are of a "higher" level this year, as I seek to pursue my spiritual growth.
Death is but a transition stop.
My end destination is to be one of peace and joy, of tranquility and quiet.
May all be well, happy and safe
Free from suffering
Filled with joy and contentment
My wish for all...
Of course resolutions will be made but they are of a "higher" level this year, as I seek to pursue my spiritual growth.
Death is but a transition stop.
My end destination is to be one of peace and joy, of tranquility and quiet.
May all be well, happy and safe
Free from suffering
Filled with joy and contentment
My wish for all...
Alone with your thoughts
I used to think that it was a good thing to be alone with one's thoughts. For reflecting and thinking can do wonders for self awareness, etc.
But now I beg to differ. Because it can actually be very dangerous to let your thoughts run amok within your mind, especially when you have no control over it.
I was sitting and meditating, when my thoughts started to flow. And most of the time, we do not have control over our thoughts. OR rather, we do not understand or know of enough to control our thoughts.
Thoughts are in some sense, not important, because they do not teach or allow you to focus on the present moment. There is a strong emphasis on the past or the future. We can plan for the future, but there is no need to be attached to it.
Do think twice in future when you say you want to spend thing alone. Yes u may do so, but be wary of the random and harmful thoughts that are not beneficial to you!
But now I beg to differ. Because it can actually be very dangerous to let your thoughts run amok within your mind, especially when you have no control over it.
I was sitting and meditating, when my thoughts started to flow. And most of the time, we do not have control over our thoughts. OR rather, we do not understand or know of enough to control our thoughts.
Thoughts are in some sense, not important, because they do not teach or allow you to focus on the present moment. There is a strong emphasis on the past or the future. We can plan for the future, but there is no need to be attached to it.
Do think twice in future when you say you want to spend thing alone. Yes u may do so, but be wary of the random and harmful thoughts that are not beneficial to you!
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