we are never too old

a quick one.
Attended Camp LIONS, which was for Buddhist youth leaders.
Amongst the young generation, I was one of the oldest.

But truly, as long as our hearts are open and wide, we are willing to share and to learn, to put aside ego, differences, habits....we are never to old or too young for anything, any place, any one!

Camp LIONS has reminded me of a lot, and taught me equally much.
With gratitude to one and all in Camp LIONS!

the 4 Rs of mindfulness

Remember
Recall
Remind
Reflect

Pretty self-explanatory. But how often do we do that.

There's another R. Point of reference.
To use our senses, our breath, as the point of reference, to pull us back from our random thought, wondering mind, back to the present moment, and just be aware.

mindfulness, like any other habits, can also be conditioned, and become habitual.
let's strive hard at making mindfulness a habit. A good habit, a wholesome action.

Am I detached?

Or over attached to the view that I should not be attached.
Circular? I dont think so.
Or maybe it just makes sense to a confused mind.

but I am definitely not walking the middle path.
going the extreme way is definitely way easier than doing the balancing act,which i have thus far failed miserably....

jia you!

Self care time needed

Brain blocked, though there are lots of thoughts and learnings and reflections.
I need some time to myself for reflections...for meditation

the mind runs away from the body...

The joy of being in a retreat

i suppose a lot of us find that joyful. To be able to escape from daily troubles, from daily irritations, to be able to find
inner peace and quiet, to be taken care of during the retreat period. To have the opportunity for full time cultivation amidst
our fast paced lives.

What are your motivations for attending a retreat?
Do you need to be "forced", to be strongly encouraged to attend???
What benefits do you take away from a long retreat?
Do you contemplate or apply those learnings into your daily life?

Going for a retreat is easy. But to take away value, for it to fully benefit your life, your existence, isn't that easy a task!

The simple joy can only last for that short short period. If you could learn and apply...Sadhu sadhu sadhu

Superwomen by AWARE

AWARE had a fundraiser, which was a concert titled "Superwomen".
I attended, and did some practice during the concert.

While the artistes were singing or dancing away, a part of my mind was enjoying the concert, the other part was chanting Amituofo. I was trying to control the highs from the concert. To bring my mind into a quiet peaceful state, to be less affected from the energy and the high of all others.

I do not need to enjoy, nor do I gain anything from those false highs, which fade away from the sunrise. It is empty!
But from the mindfulness perspective, i could have been enjoying those moments. (which I did, for some parts).

It is still an issue of balancing. Of enjoyment, but not attachment. Of joy and yet inner peace.

Man or woman, we still exist, and still are. Just be, and live in the moment.

MAY....

MAy all sentient beings be well, happy and safe
May we be free from suffering
May we be liberated from the ocean of cyclic existence
May we attain full and complete enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings.

Contemplate the Dharma

This is what my blog, Initial D for Dharma is for. I contemplate and I blog, to put down into words, to share, to crystalise the understanding.
I might not blog everyday, but I am learning and realising everyday, every single moment. just by living in the moment, there are lessons to be learnt.

May we all contemplate the Dharma and put it into application.
May we benefit sentient beings through the practice of the 6 paramitas.
May we understand and seek the goal of full enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings.

I still expect too much from myself

i have definitely progressed on the spiritual path over the last few years. But as humans are, we still expect more, or full marks, which is obviously impossible at this stage in time.

IF i am fully honest with myself, I should take "pride" and joy (on a conventional level), that I have learnt and put into application, the Dharma in my daily life. It can be better, I can be more mindful, etc, but I can also take stock once in a while, and rejoice in the good effort thus far.

Learning to manage my expectations is the next lesson that I should learn and realise.
It is also a lesson about attachments. I am attached to my development, to how and what people will judge me with, simply because I am still judgin myself.

We will never cease to exist because that is the Truth. Emptiness is another truth. Hence we need not be overly bothered about results, or about changes (impermanence, rememeber)

One day, I will realise emptiness, and than, nothing will "matter".

Why are you still holding onto the cup

Would you waste your time holding up a cup filled with water for no apparent reason? That would be a waste of time and energy.
Yet that is something that we all do, and all the time.

We hold onto our anger, to our disappointment, to our hurt. And we refuse to let go. But at the end of the day, who is the loser?
We, ourselves, because, the other party is happy and away, not hanging on to needless emotions or anger. In fact, most of the time, they do not know, or are not concerned about the fact that you are still hanging onto your anger.

We have everything to lose when we are overly attached to our emotions, to our expectations, to our own world views.
Is there a good enough reason to keep holding onto our anger?

So why are you still holding onto the cup???

Hide in a corner to nian fo.

I strongly dislike social events (to the extent of hate). Coz I don't like to talk, dont see the point of meaningless chatter. Don't need to cultivate relationships for some material benefits (this one is open to debate).

So whenever I am "forced" due to commitments, to attend some social gathering, I would no doubt find a way to hide, disappear, or merge myself into the wall. [I look like some lost poor soul at this sort of events]

Well, a good spiritual friend gave me some sound advice.
Instead of just wandering around, or standing there aimlessly, I should just focus, concentrate, and use the opportunity to nian fo.

That will be a good use of time, prevent my mind from wondering, and reduce the irritation at having to be at such events.
amituofo amituofo amituofo

Repentence for self and others

Did the 88 Buddha Repentence prayer some days back.
Good experience. But it (as always) could have been better.
We sort of started in a rush, and as such, I didnt manage to properly set my motivations, to seek repentence on behalf of all sentient beings.

And my Mandarin was so lousy, that I failed to read half of the Buddha's name. Amituofo (I am sorry). And because of that, I lost concentration a few times.

But from the simple explanation that Venerable gave before the start, I learnt a lot more.
1. We repent for our past misdeeds. But beyond that, we can also plant the good/right seed, of not wanting to make more mistakes in the future.
2. We can repent on behalf of our family, friends and sentient beings. May the seeds of repentence be planted in them.
3. We can also take the chance to plant the seeds of bodhicitta, to make the aspiration of full enlightenment of the benefit of all sentient beings.

May we all repent and be mindful and not commit the same wrong again.
Amituofo

如何降伏其心

A line from the Diamond sutra. Venerable was explaining it in the last chanting session. And it stayed with me.
I was thinking (hopefully contemplating) on how to do that, to 降伏其心.

I didn't have an answer until I seeked the answer from another Venerable yesterday.
And he told me that there are many methods to do so, and it is (obvouisly) dependent on the individual.

One can subdue the mind using concentration, using chanting, using meditation, using visualisation.
Whatever works best to tame and quiet down your mind. Something that we fall back on automatically, unconsciously, whenever we seek answers.

I have been trying to train my mind, to react with Amituofo in ALL instances.
And as time pass, I have been able to unconsciously recite the Buddha's name, to bring my mind back to the present whenever it starts to wander. Not foolproof nor perfect, but it is a good start.

May you find and develop your own method to 降伏其心.
It will be something that requires your 100% effort, your commitment and your time!

Thank you to my family

For all the suffering that I have gone thru in all the years past.

It might seem like a strange entry, but I am truly grateful for all the suffering that I had gone thru when I was younger.
For without the suffering, the "unfairness", the tears and depressive periods, I would not stand where I am today!

It was a very very good and impressionable period, where the roots of suffering were grounded deep into my consciousness. The roots of suffering which led me to question about life, the hurt and confusion which set the stage for my search and questions.

The sympathy towards all the world's suffering developed my compassion.
The eyes that saw the unfairness, that cried tears of loss and confusion. That saw the pain, the grief and the death of the suffering.
The eyes that in time to come, (hopefully), can see emptiness.

The heart which has experienced love, greed, attachment and hatred. The anger which the heart contained, the openness which subsequently developed. The forgiveness which came with years of learning and understanding.

For each and every happening, I thank my family, and those involved, that I may learn, that I may see, the ultimate truth in life.
That I may continue on my life, searching the end to all the suffering, to my purpose and my goal of full enlightenment
for the benefit of all sentient beings.

Thank you!
Amituofo.

Hair for Hope 2010

I still didnt participate. And the reasoning is still the same.
I want to participate for my own selfish reasons. And not for the benefit of all those children.

I believe in god(God)

I studied in a Methodist school, and attended kindergarten in a church, so in some ways, I am partially familiar with Christianity.

I have always believed in the existence of the Christian god. Years ago, when friends ask about my religion, (if they were Christians). I would say I believe in Christ. I do not attend cell groups, bible class, but I believe that there is that god of theirs.
But Christian friends who encouraged me to attend their cell groups, could not address my questions, nor deal with my fears and concerns. It wasn't only the fact that suffering could not be answered.

It was a self expectation issue. I felt that I could not live up to the image/expectation of a Christian, and for that, I
stepped away. There was a huge burden of disappointment, that I wasn't living the proper Christian life. And also, that life is still prevalently unfair!

There are still poor and unhealthy people who believes in Christ, but their circumstances does not improve.
I looked at all the suffering in the world, and I cry to god "why is that the case?"
But there was never an answer.

Those were depressing parts of my life, and there never was a satisfactory answer.

After learning Buddhism, I realised more, but I still do agree and believe in the existence of the Christian god.
If "he" exists, he exists. Period.

Seeking shelter from the rain

Went out today, and it was raining. By the time I hit my destination, it was pouring.
So it was a sigh of relief when I entered the shopping mall.
The mall represented a "refuge" from the rain. A place to be dry and comfortable, a place where the rain doesnt reach.
Yet, I will still need to go home at the end of the day.

so as I walked into the mall, the above thoughts flashed across my mind.
And I suddenly related it to the Triple Gems, to Pureland, to temples, to our Dharma classes.

The temples we visit, the Dharma classes we attend, even the concept of Pureland. Those are but temporary refuges,
temporary places where we can rest, where we can learn. But ultimately, at the end of the day, we would still need to go home.

And home in this case, can refer to the Triple Gems, to enlightenment.
If we keep running, if we are always out, if we never understand or know where is home, we will forever be looking out for shelter, for a place of refuge.

May we all know where to rest our feet, where our "end point" will be, that of enlightenment, and refuge in the Triple Gems.

3 step 1 bow

I went for my first 3 step 1 bow during Vesak, at Phor Kark See Monastery.
And wow, plenty of lessons learnt.

The lesson of patience
When i started queuing, it was around 1.30am. Think I only started on the process proper around 4am.

The lesson of perservance
By normal walking standards, the whole path will not take long. But when it is done with 3 steps and 1 bow, it is way way longer, and it is so easy to want to give up, or to keep thinking, when will I reach the end point.

The lesson of tolerance
With the long q, the huge no. of people, tolerance (and maybe compassion) comes into play. The slight pushing, overtaking, impatience, being stepped on...

The lesson of concentration
If one is fully focused on each prostration and the thought behind it, the level of concentration rises. And being concentrated on each prostration would probably bring more value for that action.

The lesson of the ego
I am ashamed to admit, that I didnt fully complete the 3 step 1 bow. And I was wearing shoes. Sigh. I have a weak ankle, and mid way (or less) thru the journey, I felt my ankle being strained/turned. And my mind told me, "it will not be fun if I twisted my ankle". And with that nagging thought, I "gave up", and didnt do the full prostration.
But just walking and doing a bows affected my concentration, and thoughts began to creep in.

The ego, the self won out in the end. But I will do better next time!

The lesson of awakened mind
I started around 4am, and ended ard 7am. The timing was marvelous. Starting in the dark, ending when the light has shining. The journey was sort of symbolic of the process of being awakened.

The purpose/aspiration
I can't guage what are the aspirations of others, or why they wish to participate in the 3 step 1 bow. But I can share mine. With each step that I take, with each 南无本师释迦摩尼佛 recited, I thank the Buddha for his teachings, and make the aspiration to attain enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings.

I will urge everyone to give 3 steps 1 bow a try, with the proper motivations. It is a lesson well worth learning!

To be born in Pureland

Inculcate faith to be born in pureland
Inspire aspiration to be born in pureland
Initiate practice to be born in pureland
Invite others to be born in pureland

The lotus purity of the mind - Essence of being

Thought and understood something the other day about the lotus.

The lotus flower and root are connected, are together, representing samsara and nirvana. Hence samsara and nirvana, can be viewed to be the "same".

If practice correctly, samsara and nirvana is the same (from a certain perspective).
When the mind is pure, without defilements, there is nirvana.

The lotus purity of the mind - Drama

Hm, think i can use this title to share a lot.
Plenty of learnings tied to the lotus...

I have been chasing after a taiwan drama serial these few days.
And while watching, while getting into all the emotions, the back of my mind is also analyzing the characters using the Dharma.

But while I can see the confusion, the dukkha, the greed and attachment, I am still drawn towards it, towards the emotions of the show. in fact, I let the emotions, the expectations of love, overwhelm me. I know at some level that all those are impermanent, but I cant stop myself when being touched, from being affected, from questioning the conventional aspects of life. (which are all empty at the end of the day)

So there I am, this being, trying to watch a show, but being confused on all levels.
Should I stop watching because I am over involved? Or should I continue and try to analyse and apply the Dharma? OR what?

It saddens me to see the confusion and hurt, and false expectations of the characters. Yet, on the worldly level, I myself seek and want the false promises of worldly love.

There is this internal struggle going on while I watch.
And I know that I am also defiling my mind while watching, but I am not able to train my mind to view it all in terms of the Dharma, not able to watch and use the suffering (of the characters) as my nutrients, to nourish and strengthen my resolve to practice the Dharma, to seek enlightenment.

The lotus rises out of the muddy water, and yet is pure. the mud is its fertiliser, its nutrients, and it allows it to grow.

When will I reach that stage, where everything, every happening around me, will become my nutrients, and propel me onwards towards enlightenment?

Are we up to that level

Expectations can be a very frightening thing...

We try to cultivate, but we expect so much, so fast, but that is not how it works...
Cultivation and practice truly takes time, patience, and effort (of course RIGHT EFFORT).

IF we are not at that level yet, there is no need to torture ourselves too much.
I used to feel disappointed and disillusioned whenever my practice is not up to what I expected.

But over time, as I understood more, I have allowed myself a little slack once in a while. Coz we are still humans afterall. We are not enlightened ones, so there will be defilements, there will be obstacles, there will be times when we expect too much from ourselves.

As long as our motivations are pure, as long as we are working towards the end goal of liberation, of benefiting other sentient beings, and we hold those aspirations and thoughts in our mind, I say we practice at a level that is comfortable for ourselves.

While we need to keep moving forward and progressing on our path towards enlightenment, walk the middle path. Take a break when you are tired.

You look very pretty when you smile

Heard that years back. Let's not go into whether it was a pick up line. The key focus here is the mind frame of that smile.

Do you think it is true, that a smile can make a difference? I have since agreed that to be the truth. Provided of course, that the smile was sincere and came from the heart.

When you are in a happy mood and you smile, it makes a whole load of difference to your mind frame.

The state of the mind does affect. And yet conversely, a smile, even faked, can cheer you up a little.
Try it! Smile like the Buddha = )

No passport to happiness

The Vesak celebrations at orchard that just passed, had the theme "passport to
happiness"

I somehow reflected on that (I would like to think meditated but I didn't LOL) and it
seems to me, that that might not be a perfect theme or tagline.
By focusing on a Passport, it seems to indicate the need of external factors to
bring about my happiness. You need to obtain a passport before you can go where
happiness is. Of course it can be read in more than one way, but the immediate one
that jumped out at me was external places and events.

Happiness, our own happiness, should be controlled by ourselves, by our mind, and
not solely dependent on what you have, where you go, or even who you hang out with.
And yes, we should have that internal passport which can lead us to happiness, which
is the four approaches of hearing, contemplating, cultivating, and realizing.
But so very often, people missed that, and zoom in straight to the historical
monuments, locations of Buddhism, or the free distribution books, as if having loads
(without the effort of the accompanying practice) is sufficient.
We are totally missing the point. We create our own happiness! And we do not need an
external passport for that.
Externalities can only bring us that far. At the end of the day, it is still our own
cultivation and reliance that matters.

Of course, it is different for Vesak at orchard coz it was a marketing strategy to
attract more. But I can't help feel that the meaning of happiness is skewed in this
sense. Because many are not touched on the important level of real practice.