OF time.
Last year I had already blogged about the conservation of water, electricity, efforts of recycling.
But the most important commodity, that of TIME, is also not wasted at CTS.
At least that is the case for the monastics.
Even though they have their duties for the retreat, plus their normal duties and practices, etc, we can really observe that their mind and body, is solely focused on Amituofo.
Everywhere I turn, I can see examples of it. During break times, when the hall is mostly empty, the monastic on duty will still be at the info desk. But she will most likely be seated in a lotus position, silently chanting or meditating.
Even when the Venerable is walking around, I could see some holding their prayer beads and chanting.
It is really inspiring, to see that they have managed to really be mindful, and integrate Amituofo into their daily lives. And that is what we should aspire for.
We (if I may make such a generalisation) are really wasteful, of our time, our energy, our resources. Each single random thought, is a waste of time, and takes away another 阿弥陀佛.
Think of how much more 阿弥陀佛 there can be in our daily lives, if we were more mindful and concentrated.
The additional merits that we can dedicate to all sentient beings, that one step nearer to rebirth in Pureland.
We have much to lose when we waste our time.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Conditions, faith and determination - CTS 6
More learnings from my cold.
Even when I was burning from fever, or shivering from the chills, unable to drag myself out of bed, nodding off during meditation, it never came across my mind to give up. I wanted more rest, knew that my body needed it, but the few thoughts going through my mind were: let me get through this, I can/want to hang in there, I am failing to chant coz I am distracted by my physical discomforts....
Many a times my energy level was so low that it does seem surprising that I still managed to keep going. Of course, the seated chanting and meditation time helped.
Of course I must admit that I had thoughts of giving up. To just crash and sleep away, but at the end of it, I was still in the hall.
It was only after I had recovered from the major symptoms, that I realised....
I could have gotten an MC!!!!!
They have 病假 badges. So it appears that if you were seriously sick, you could go and get an "MC" and rest in the room.
The silly me was going....oh man, I could have gotten an MC when I was that ill, now it is too late.
And after that, I was very very tempted to request for MC....sigh.
But of course I do not regret not getting an MC.
It was a good chance for me to develop my faith (in Amituofo), and my determination to hang in there even when I was suffering.
When you put ur mind to practicing, certain conditions will arise. Maybe some good, some bad. But I firmly believe that with faith and determination, we can overcome the bad and rise with the good.
Even when I was burning from fever, or shivering from the chills, unable to drag myself out of bed, nodding off during meditation, it never came across my mind to give up. I wanted more rest, knew that my body needed it, but the few thoughts going through my mind were: let me get through this, I can/want to hang in there, I am failing to chant coz I am distracted by my physical discomforts....
Many a times my energy level was so low that it does seem surprising that I still managed to keep going. Of course, the seated chanting and meditation time helped.
Of course I must admit that I had thoughts of giving up. To just crash and sleep away, but at the end of it, I was still in the hall.
It was only after I had recovered from the major symptoms, that I realised....
I could have gotten an MC!!!!!
They have 病假 badges. So it appears that if you were seriously sick, you could go and get an "MC" and rest in the room.
The silly me was going....oh man, I could have gotten an MC when I was that ill, now it is too late.
And after that, I was very very tempted to request for MC....sigh.
But of course I do not regret not getting an MC.
It was a good chance for me to develop my faith (in Amituofo), and my determination to hang in there even when I was suffering.
When you put ur mind to practicing, certain conditions will arise. Maybe some good, some bad. But I firmly believe that with faith and determination, we can overcome the bad and rise with the good.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Conditions are right - CTS 5
Let me start off with a sad comment. Conditions are not right in Singapore for a strict retreat.
That being said, those of us who have the good fortune to go to CTS, are truly blessed, or have planted good seeds along our spiritual journey.
The conditions are CTS are PERFECT. For serious cultivation.
It is truly hard to find a temple/place, where almost everything is thought of, taken care of, for you, so that you can practice. And do nothing but focus on Amituofo.
The whole system and structure is such that you have the best opportunity to practice, to be mindful, to concentrate and focus your mind on Amituofo.
The monastics take such good care of us. And they are truly walking the Middle Way. They know when to apply pressure, when to sweet talk you, when to inspire, when to question. The only wish/concern they have, is for you to seriously practice.
But of course conditions change....and I have a huge fear of this impermanence.
May the conditions at CTS be perfect for those who want to practice the Pureland way.
That being said, those of us who have the good fortune to go to CTS, are truly blessed, or have planted good seeds along our spiritual journey.
The conditions are CTS are PERFECT. For serious cultivation.
It is truly hard to find a temple/place, where almost everything is thought of, taken care of, for you, so that you can practice. And do nothing but focus on Amituofo.
The whole system and structure is such that you have the best opportunity to practice, to be mindful, to concentrate and focus your mind on Amituofo.
The monastics take such good care of us. And they are truly walking the Middle Way. They know when to apply pressure, when to sweet talk you, when to inspire, when to question. The only wish/concern they have, is for you to seriously practice.
But of course conditions change....and I have a huge fear of this impermanence.
May the conditions at CTS be perfect for those who want to practice the Pureland way.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Reliance on Amituofo - CTS 4
A continuation to the lousy start
When I was sick, I was praying to Amituofo, to help me recover, to let me hang in there, to keep me going, even if I had to force myself to wake up every morning at 3.30am.
There was once, I went though the whole prostration activity (it was 30 mins), in shutdown/sleep walking moment. Dont ask me how I did it, but i did. When the 30mins was up, I seemed to open my eyes and realised that I went through the motions of prostrating for the last 30 mins, without being aware of it. I was very very surprised that I didn't faint there and than.
In fact, talking about fainting, I came close a few times, but often I ask either Amituofo or Guan Yin for their support and strength to let me hang in there, to just last for a few more mins, or even seconds. (Tho I was also mostly counting down to the end of the session).
And I was always blessed by their strength. In fact, I firmly believed that I "survived" my cold because of their blessings and support. It was definitely a very bad cold, one that would typically take about weeks to fully recover from, but I was mostly ok after 5-6 days.
Every day, I would seek Amituofo's assistance to get through that day, and somehow, deep inside me, I know that I would recover, and that the next day would come with me having gotten rid of some slight irritation. It might be a mixture of blessings plus strong will, but I asked to recover from my sore throat by the next day, and it happen. I sort of set timelines for my recovery, and they were more or less met.
If that is not divine "intervention", I wont know what is.
Seeking blessings/support from Amituofo is one thing, believing in him/that it would happen is another.
Often, we ask, but we do not have faith. OR that we doubt. And that wont do. We must have the faith or the "wisdom" to know, and believe that our prayers will be answered. And if not, either the conditions are not right, or that we were meant to learn something from it.
Relying on Amituofo is actually not an easy task. It takes a lot of faith to really put your life in his hands. But we must have the wisdom to know the balance between self reliance and over reliance.
When I was sick, I was praying to Amituofo, to help me recover, to let me hang in there, to keep me going, even if I had to force myself to wake up every morning at 3.30am.
There was once, I went though the whole prostration activity (it was 30 mins), in shutdown/sleep walking moment. Dont ask me how I did it, but i did. When the 30mins was up, I seemed to open my eyes and realised that I went through the motions of prostrating for the last 30 mins, without being aware of it. I was very very surprised that I didn't faint there and than.
In fact, talking about fainting, I came close a few times, but often I ask either Amituofo or Guan Yin for their support and strength to let me hang in there, to just last for a few more mins, or even seconds. (Tho I was also mostly counting down to the end of the session).
And I was always blessed by their strength. In fact, I firmly believed that I "survived" my cold because of their blessings and support. It was definitely a very bad cold, one that would typically take about weeks to fully recover from, but I was mostly ok after 5-6 days.
Every day, I would seek Amituofo's assistance to get through that day, and somehow, deep inside me, I know that I would recover, and that the next day would come with me having gotten rid of some slight irritation. It might be a mixture of blessings plus strong will, but I asked to recover from my sore throat by the next day, and it happen. I sort of set timelines for my recovery, and they were more or less met.
If that is not divine "intervention", I wont know what is.
Seeking blessings/support from Amituofo is one thing, believing in him/that it would happen is another.
Often, we ask, but we do not have faith. OR that we doubt. And that wont do. We must have the faith or the "wisdom" to know, and believe that our prayers will be answered. And if not, either the conditions are not right, or that we were meant to learn something from it.
Relying on Amituofo is actually not an easy task. It takes a lot of faith to really put your life in his hands. But we must have the wisdom to know the balance between self reliance and over reliance.
Monday, January 10, 2011
A lousy start - CTS 3
I am not sure if that is an appropriate title, but since that was the first thought, we will go with that.
It definitely felt as if it was a very lousy start to the 3 weeks retreat. I caught a very bad cold the first day there, and was sniffing and enduring a blocked and dripping nose for a couple of days, with fever (I suspect since I never took my temperature) and a sore throat.
honestly, it was a very miserable time. I took those chinese flu tea, and I was feeling hot and cold and breaking out in cold sweat and chills. Which is probably the flu tea working. It is a very crap feeling, to be in a cold hall, but feeling hot at times and sticky coz of the sweat and thick clothes.
and of course, I didn't manage to practice much during those few days. maybe it is an excuse, but when you are prostrating and your head is down on the mat for a few long long seconds, the mucus flows down and you can't breathe. and i cant deal with that sort of distraction. maybe if i were a better practitioner, the focus of Amituofo will keep the discomfort away, but i am not there yet.
yet, the pros of the prostration, it allows my airway to be cleared. hahaha. talk about an irony.
So half the time (actually, all of the time), when others were chanting and prostrating, I was thinking to myself, dont let my nose drip, when can I exit to clear my nose, how much longer will this take, etc...
u know, (if u read last year's entry), prostration is the activity which I have the least concentration for. Coz it gives me dizzy spells, and last year, I was very slack with my prostrations, often lazing and using the time to take a long toilet break.
so one thought that came to me....i deserved the "punishment", for not concentrating last year. Yet as mentioned, the downward flow cleared my air passage, so prostration actually became my "favourite" activity this year. (At least during the cold period)
it is interesting to review all the thoughts and happenings revolving around the prostration activity. (will go deeper into that later)...
when i was sick, i was wondering to myself, are my negative karma that heavy that i am being prevented from practicing. of course i do not have any answer to that, but no matter what, the cold taught me lessons as well.
it would be great if the cold allowed me to clear away some obstacles to my practice, but even if it didnt, the importance of practicing at every single moment is etched deeply into my mind. it was truly difficult to even chant a single Amituofo when one is ill, yet that is when we would need it the most!
keep practicing my friends, for we do not know if in the next moment, that single amituofo will save us....
It definitely felt as if it was a very lousy start to the 3 weeks retreat. I caught a very bad cold the first day there, and was sniffing and enduring a blocked and dripping nose for a couple of days, with fever (I suspect since I never took my temperature) and a sore throat.
honestly, it was a very miserable time. I took those chinese flu tea, and I was feeling hot and cold and breaking out in cold sweat and chills. Which is probably the flu tea working. It is a very crap feeling, to be in a cold hall, but feeling hot at times and sticky coz of the sweat and thick clothes.
and of course, I didn't manage to practice much during those few days. maybe it is an excuse, but when you are prostrating and your head is down on the mat for a few long long seconds, the mucus flows down and you can't breathe. and i cant deal with that sort of distraction. maybe if i were a better practitioner, the focus of Amituofo will keep the discomfort away, but i am not there yet.
yet, the pros of the prostration, it allows my airway to be cleared. hahaha. talk about an irony.
So half the time (actually, all of the time), when others were chanting and prostrating, I was thinking to myself, dont let my nose drip, when can I exit to clear my nose, how much longer will this take, etc...
u know, (if u read last year's entry), prostration is the activity which I have the least concentration for. Coz it gives me dizzy spells, and last year, I was very slack with my prostrations, often lazing and using the time to take a long toilet break.
so one thought that came to me....i deserved the "punishment", for not concentrating last year. Yet as mentioned, the downward flow cleared my air passage, so prostration actually became my "favourite" activity this year. (At least during the cold period)
it is interesting to review all the thoughts and happenings revolving around the prostration activity. (will go deeper into that later)...
when i was sick, i was wondering to myself, are my negative karma that heavy that i am being prevented from practicing. of course i do not have any answer to that, but no matter what, the cold taught me lessons as well.
it would be great if the cold allowed me to clear away some obstacles to my practice, but even if it didnt, the importance of practicing at every single moment is etched deeply into my mind. it was truly difficult to even chant a single Amituofo when one is ill, yet that is when we would need it the most!
keep practicing my friends, for we do not know if in the next moment, that single amituofo will save us....
Retreat bootcamp once again - CTS 2
I keep a diary, but I do not write often in it, but I always bring it around with me, in case of any sudden thoughts or insights. (Yes, I know I should invest in an iphone or smtg, but i find that the old fashioned way is still the best)
And of course, it went with me to Taiwan in Dec 2010 for the Amituofo retreat at Cheng Tian Si. During the retreat itself, I didnt take down any notes. Coz I was honestly unsure if that was allowed. That I can only focus on Amituofo, and not any of the other random thoughts that go across my mind.
But I took the chance at the airport while waiting for the return flight to quickly jot down all my thoughts and reflections from the retreat.
Looking at the last entry in the diary, I had to smile at myself, for it was also a Dec entry, dated from the year before, after 2009's retreat. It just shows, how long it had been since I wrote.
Anyway, I came back from the retreat with loads and loads of new insights, better understanding about myself and the environment, about my practice, etc.
Pls keep an eye out for my upcoming entries. I clocked over 20 last year for CTS (if I remembered correctly), and I think there will be a similar number this year (if not more)
Cheng Tian Chan Si is a temple off Taipei City, up on a hill, with beautiful scenery and wonderful energy.
But it is definitely right to call the retreat a boot camp, coz nothing in Singapore can prepare you for the kind of training that they are trying to install, the discipline that they enforce and wish to instill in each of the retreatants.
If I may go as far to say, it is worst than BMT (army training), simply coz there's noble silence and penalty badges. At least in BMT, you can bitch and complain to one another, have means to let go steam. When you have to be silent, everything is stored up inside, and if you are not good with self reflection or solitary moments, it could honestly be quite a hard time to get by. And the penalty badges. Well, that would depend on ur attitude towards the training....(I have an experience on that, share more later).
BUT all in all, it is a boot camp that I will willingly go for every year. Simply because it is GOOD! IT benefits me, and my practice.
Read my reflections to experience my learnings, and may you also learn and gain something from my lessons.
I would encourage all Pureland practitioners to GO for it!!!!
Amituofo
And of course, it went with me to Taiwan in Dec 2010 for the Amituofo retreat at Cheng Tian Si. During the retreat itself, I didnt take down any notes. Coz I was honestly unsure if that was allowed. That I can only focus on Amituofo, and not any of the other random thoughts that go across my mind.
But I took the chance at the airport while waiting for the return flight to quickly jot down all my thoughts and reflections from the retreat.
Looking at the last entry in the diary, I had to smile at myself, for it was also a Dec entry, dated from the year before, after 2009's retreat. It just shows, how long it had been since I wrote.
Anyway, I came back from the retreat with loads and loads of new insights, better understanding about myself and the environment, about my practice, etc.
Pls keep an eye out for my upcoming entries. I clocked over 20 last year for CTS (if I remembered correctly), and I think there will be a similar number this year (if not more)
Cheng Tian Chan Si is a temple off Taipei City, up on a hill, with beautiful scenery and wonderful energy.
But it is definitely right to call the retreat a boot camp, coz nothing in Singapore can prepare you for the kind of training that they are trying to install, the discipline that they enforce and wish to instill in each of the retreatants.
If I may go as far to say, it is worst than BMT (army training), simply coz there's noble silence and penalty badges. At least in BMT, you can bitch and complain to one another, have means to let go steam. When you have to be silent, everything is stored up inside, and if you are not good with self reflection or solitary moments, it could honestly be quite a hard time to get by. And the penalty badges. Well, that would depend on ur attitude towards the training....(I have an experience on that, share more later).
BUT all in all, it is a boot camp that I will willingly go for every year. Simply because it is GOOD! IT benefits me, and my practice.
Read my reflections to experience my learnings, and may you also learn and gain something from my lessons.
I would encourage all Pureland practitioners to GO for it!!!!
Amituofo
Cheng Tian Si once again - CTS 1
Once again, more entries of the lessons and experience of my retreat at Cheng Tian Si.
Look out for the latest entries with CTS at the back.
If you are free, you can read through last year's CTS entries. There is always more to learn!
Look out for the latest entries with CTS at the back.
If you are free, you can read through last year's CTS entries. There is always more to learn!
2011 - A fresh new year
Is that how you often view the new year?
With fresh new hopes for the new year, thinking that you can redo/undo/do all the old and start on the new?
We hold a yearly gathering at our home, for a group of close university friends to share and close the old year, and write resolutions for the new.
Our new year resolutions parties have been going on for the past 6 years.
And as I reviewed all the resolutions written in the last 4/5 year, I found that it has a common thread, that Buddhism, spiritual development/cultivation has been placed first. And that over the years, I have still failed to achieve my "resolutions".
But now, I am at the stage where I can accept the "failure", that once again, I didnt achieve what I set out to do, which is to practice.
But it's ok. I have accepted that I am only human, that I make mistakes. The only mistake I will endeavor not to make, is to not learn from my mistakes.
With fresh new hopes for the new year, thinking that you can redo/undo/do all the old and start on the new?
We hold a yearly gathering at our home, for a group of close university friends to share and close the old year, and write resolutions for the new.
Our new year resolutions parties have been going on for the past 6 years.
And as I reviewed all the resolutions written in the last 4/5 year, I found that it has a common thread, that Buddhism, spiritual development/cultivation has been placed first. And that over the years, I have still failed to achieve my "resolutions".
But now, I am at the stage where I can accept the "failure", that once again, I didnt achieve what I set out to do, which is to practice.
But it's ok. I have accepted that I am only human, that I make mistakes. The only mistake I will endeavor not to make, is to not learn from my mistakes.
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