A lousy start - CTS 3

I am not sure if that is an appropriate title, but since that was the first thought, we will go with that.

It definitely felt as if it was a very lousy start to the 3 weeks retreat. I caught a very bad cold the first day there, and was sniffing and enduring a blocked and dripping nose for a couple of days, with fever (I suspect since I never took my temperature) and a sore throat.

honestly, it was a very miserable time. I took those chinese flu tea, and I was feeling hot and cold and breaking out in cold sweat and chills. Which is probably the flu tea working. It is a very crap feeling, to be in a cold hall, but feeling hot at times and sticky coz of the sweat and thick clothes.

and of course, I didn't manage to practice much during those few days. maybe it is an excuse, but when you are prostrating and your head is down on the mat for a few long long seconds, the mucus flows down and you can't breathe. and i cant deal with that sort of distraction. maybe if i were a better practitioner, the focus of Amituofo will keep the discomfort away, but i am not there yet.

yet, the pros of the prostration, it allows my airway to be cleared. hahaha. talk about an irony.
So half the time (actually, all of the time), when others were chanting and prostrating, I was thinking to myself, dont let my nose drip, when can I exit to clear my nose, how much longer will this take, etc...

u know, (if u read last year's entry), prostration is the activity which I have the least concentration for. Coz it gives me dizzy spells, and last year, I was very slack with my prostrations, often lazing and using the time to take a long toilet break.

so one thought that came to me....i deserved the "punishment", for not concentrating last year. Yet as mentioned, the downward flow cleared my air passage, so prostration actually became my "favourite" activity this year. (At least during the cold period)

it is interesting to review all the thoughts and happenings revolving around the prostration activity. (will go deeper into that later)...

when i was sick, i was wondering to myself, are my negative karma that heavy that i am being prevented from practicing. of course i do not have any answer to that, but no matter what, the cold taught me lessons as well.

it would be great if the cold allowed me to clear away some obstacles to my practice, but even if it didnt, the importance of practicing at every single moment is etched deeply into my mind. it was truly difficult to even chant a single Amituofo when one is ill, yet that is when we would need it the most!

keep practicing my friends, for we do not know if in the next moment, that single amituofo will save us....