So much suffering

The more I am involved in social work, the more suffering I see.

And the practical me cannot see the way out to reduce all the suffering around.

I started this entry almost a year ago. But it has been sitting in my draft box for a long long time.

But now, I think I have a better idea of suffering. A "solution" to the questions that I had.

There is no conventional way of being able to reduce the suffering of those around us. How much money can we donate, how much time can we spend doing volunteer work, how can we stop natural disasters from happening...We can give of our all, but there is a limit to that, and normally, it is not sufficient to stop or even reduce human suffering.

I see the suffering, and there was nothing I can do.

After some experiences, I realised that while there is a limit to what I can do, as long as I have given of my best, and am true to myself, that is sufficient. In addition, the real method to deal with suffering, be it our own, or others, is simply, to ACCEPT IT.

Accept that there will forever be suffering until all sentient beings are enlightened. That suffering just is. That the suffering, should provide us with the drive and motivation to study and practice the Dharma.

The understanding of the First Noble Truth.

I see and accept suffering.

To choose to Suffer

Who on earth would choose to suffer?
Not the typical average human being.

If you are/want to practice, you will choose suffering. For that is the easiest and fastest way to cultivate.
I understand that fact, but that does not mean that I am able to happily accept the suffering that comes my way.

I look at the suffering, I know deep in my mind that it is for my own cultivation sake/good, but the ignorance and wrong views arise, and "argues" with me, that I do not need all this. And it is a struggle, to accept that suffering. Especially when there is the option to reject the suffering lesson, to continue to hold on to unwholesome thoughts, etc.

And I undergo 2 levels of suffering.
The actual suffering, and the suffering of suffering. I suffer because I need to accept the suffering, and I do not want to.
Argh. Double the power.

Some parts of me want the suffering, but the other rejects.
I am still struggling, I am still suffering

Collection of suffering

I am a Pureland practitioner. And I want to practice the Bodhisattva path.
Is there a conflict? In my mind, there isn't. But some might think so.

Simply because Bodhisattvas typically return to "earth" in order to benefit other sentient beings, versus staying in Pureland to cultivate, which takes a much much longer time, due to the purity and conducive-ness of the environment.
When there is less suffering, we get much less fertilizers to practice and cultivate.

This is an issue that I have been thinking about, and I often question my own motivations.

I understand the need for suffering fertilizers, but I am still a young learner, and the fertilizers do not always work the way they should.

Maybe it is my own doubts and fears, that I will not always have the conditions to practice if I am reborn as a human, that I will regress and "forget" my aspirations to benefit other sentient beings.

Or it is my own mind justifying, that I will return to help others, when I have sufficient realisations, such that I will not regress.

In any case, I know what and why I chose the path I chose. A mixture of fear, of aspirations, of reliance on external assistance.

Amituofo

3 weeks in CTS

Flying off to Taipei today, for a 3 week retreat at Cheng Tian Si.
And I am looking forward to it.

Maybe I have certain expectations, and my motivations are not very clear, but I simply hope to take the chance to practice.

It has been a very lesson filled (ie full of suffering) 2010.

May I be guided by Amitabha Buddha during my practice.
Amituofo

Very good advice - How to practice

Extracted from Eastern Horizon, Aug 2004

Just read it recently. It was an interview question, but I tot it sum up very concisely/perfectly, how we as Buddhists should practice:

Just develop your own Dharma practice as strongly as possible with the assistance of good teachers and good friends.

Deepen your own understanding and experience of dukkha within yourself, strive to realise change (anicca) in every moment, and make every effort to see clearly selflessness (anatta); make letting go of self as natural as breathing.

Purify your own intention and keep on developing your practice.

Make every effort to cultivate the four divine abodes (brahmaviharas)
- Loving-kindness (metta)
- Compassion (karuna)
- Joy (mudita)
- Equanimity (upekkha)

Stay balanced and try to abandon what you want in favour of what might most benefit others who are suffering.

Above all, never forget that you have taken refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, (not in yourself), and allow this taking refuge to develop, deepen and flower every single day.

Bothered by little things

Why do we bother? Is it really that important? Or are we just influenced by our own expectations of how we want people
to view us?

It still bugs me. Meaning I still can't let go. I am still attached. Attached to people's impression of me.
If it is my fault, it just is. So accept it, learn from it and move on.

Breathe relax accept learn let go

There is suffering
I am still suffering

I want to smoke

Whenever that statement creeps into my mind, I know I am in deep shit, that I have hit yet another major bottleneck.

I am not a real smoker (if there ever is that sort of definition).
But I rely on the action of smoking, on the psychological aspect of reliance, on that false coolness that a smoking individual thinks he has.

It is a form of escape, maybe denial, and false sense of security.
I see all that, know all that.

I think i want to smoke, but i never do.
But that does not change the fact that at some level, I am viewing smoking as a solution, that it can reduce my suffering for that moment.

An unwholesome and wrong view, but one that still pops up when I am totally stressed or depressed.

I will train my mindfulness level, to stop that train of thought....

Walk the Middle Path - 1

As part of the project team, I must admit that I havent really internalised the lessons/teachings that the Agree to Disagree booklet is trying to inculcate/share.

Yes, I do firmly believe in the premise of Agree to Disagree, but I am still human. While I am open enough, I do have the fear that others who do not understand the truth will forever suffer. And pray tell, how different does that make me from the evangalising religions? Of course I am not in the face when I share, and I do know how to back off, but the underlying premise, is still the fact that I see the value and benefits of following the Buddha's teachings. And that I would like one and all, not to suffer much longer, and to have happiness and be liberated!

Walk the Middle Path

Why didn't you wait for me. ...

I have been trying hard to process everything.
I still need a good, strong reflection. And my blog has been dormant for e longest time.
Which on retrospect, is a very very good thing. One should never write until you are
sure of everything.

Of course impermanence is e word of e moment, but still, lessons need to be learnt and
processed on many different levels. Something that I have yet to achieve.
Hence e quiet blog.

I have a long long way to go. Understand on e intellectual level but not yet fully
realized. I am still struggling.

I see the suffering, e 3 poisons wrecking my life, but I still hold on tight to my
delusions. Maybe because those are comfortable, convenient and that practicing is
way too much work.

Of course I know that applying is e only way out. But I m still human. Sad but true.

So where do I go from here? Cultivate la. Make full use of e opportunity to cultivate,
to meditate on all e learning, so as to achieve realisations.

we are never too old

a quick one.
Attended Camp LIONS, which was for Buddhist youth leaders.
Amongst the young generation, I was one of the oldest.

But truly, as long as our hearts are open and wide, we are willing to share and to learn, to put aside ego, differences, habits....we are never to old or too young for anything, any place, any one!

Camp LIONS has reminded me of a lot, and taught me equally much.
With gratitude to one and all in Camp LIONS!

the 4 Rs of mindfulness

Remember
Recall
Remind
Reflect

Pretty self-explanatory. But how often do we do that.

There's another R. Point of reference.
To use our senses, our breath, as the point of reference, to pull us back from our random thought, wondering mind, back to the present moment, and just be aware.

mindfulness, like any other habits, can also be conditioned, and become habitual.
let's strive hard at making mindfulness a habit. A good habit, a wholesome action.

Am I detached?

Or over attached to the view that I should not be attached.
Circular? I dont think so.
Or maybe it just makes sense to a confused mind.

but I am definitely not walking the middle path.
going the extreme way is definitely way easier than doing the balancing act,which i have thus far failed miserably....

jia you!

Self care time needed

Brain blocked, though there are lots of thoughts and learnings and reflections.
I need some time to myself for reflections...for meditation

the mind runs away from the body...

The joy of being in a retreat

i suppose a lot of us find that joyful. To be able to escape from daily troubles, from daily irritations, to be able to find
inner peace and quiet, to be taken care of during the retreat period. To have the opportunity for full time cultivation amidst
our fast paced lives.

What are your motivations for attending a retreat?
Do you need to be "forced", to be strongly encouraged to attend???
What benefits do you take away from a long retreat?
Do you contemplate or apply those learnings into your daily life?

Going for a retreat is easy. But to take away value, for it to fully benefit your life, your existence, isn't that easy a task!

The simple joy can only last for that short short period. If you could learn and apply...Sadhu sadhu sadhu

Superwomen by AWARE

AWARE had a fundraiser, which was a concert titled "Superwomen".
I attended, and did some practice during the concert.

While the artistes were singing or dancing away, a part of my mind was enjoying the concert, the other part was chanting Amituofo. I was trying to control the highs from the concert. To bring my mind into a quiet peaceful state, to be less affected from the energy and the high of all others.

I do not need to enjoy, nor do I gain anything from those false highs, which fade away from the sunrise. It is empty!
But from the mindfulness perspective, i could have been enjoying those moments. (which I did, for some parts).

It is still an issue of balancing. Of enjoyment, but not attachment. Of joy and yet inner peace.

Man or woman, we still exist, and still are. Just be, and live in the moment.

MAY....

MAy all sentient beings be well, happy and safe
May we be free from suffering
May we be liberated from the ocean of cyclic existence
May we attain full and complete enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings.

Contemplate the Dharma

This is what my blog, Initial D for Dharma is for. I contemplate and I blog, to put down into words, to share, to crystalise the understanding.
I might not blog everyday, but I am learning and realising everyday, every single moment. just by living in the moment, there are lessons to be learnt.

May we all contemplate the Dharma and put it into application.
May we benefit sentient beings through the practice of the 6 paramitas.
May we understand and seek the goal of full enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings.

I still expect too much from myself

i have definitely progressed on the spiritual path over the last few years. But as humans are, we still expect more, or full marks, which is obviously impossible at this stage in time.

IF i am fully honest with myself, I should take "pride" and joy (on a conventional level), that I have learnt and put into application, the Dharma in my daily life. It can be better, I can be more mindful, etc, but I can also take stock once in a while, and rejoice in the good effort thus far.

Learning to manage my expectations is the next lesson that I should learn and realise.
It is also a lesson about attachments. I am attached to my development, to how and what people will judge me with, simply because I am still judgin myself.

We will never cease to exist because that is the Truth. Emptiness is another truth. Hence we need not be overly bothered about results, or about changes (impermanence, rememeber)

One day, I will realise emptiness, and than, nothing will "matter".

Why are you still holding onto the cup

Would you waste your time holding up a cup filled with water for no apparent reason? That would be a waste of time and energy.
Yet that is something that we all do, and all the time.

We hold onto our anger, to our disappointment, to our hurt. And we refuse to let go. But at the end of the day, who is the loser?
We, ourselves, because, the other party is happy and away, not hanging on to needless emotions or anger. In fact, most of the time, they do not know, or are not concerned about the fact that you are still hanging onto your anger.

We have everything to lose when we are overly attached to our emotions, to our expectations, to our own world views.
Is there a good enough reason to keep holding onto our anger?

So why are you still holding onto the cup???

Hide in a corner to nian fo.

I strongly dislike social events (to the extent of hate). Coz I don't like to talk, dont see the point of meaningless chatter. Don't need to cultivate relationships for some material benefits (this one is open to debate).

So whenever I am "forced" due to commitments, to attend some social gathering, I would no doubt find a way to hide, disappear, or merge myself into the wall. [I look like some lost poor soul at this sort of events]

Well, a good spiritual friend gave me some sound advice.
Instead of just wandering around, or standing there aimlessly, I should just focus, concentrate, and use the opportunity to nian fo.

That will be a good use of time, prevent my mind from wondering, and reduce the irritation at having to be at such events.
amituofo amituofo amituofo

Repentence for self and others

Did the 88 Buddha Repentence prayer some days back.
Good experience. But it (as always) could have been better.
We sort of started in a rush, and as such, I didnt manage to properly set my motivations, to seek repentence on behalf of all sentient beings.

And my Mandarin was so lousy, that I failed to read half of the Buddha's name. Amituofo (I am sorry). And because of that, I lost concentration a few times.

But from the simple explanation that Venerable gave before the start, I learnt a lot more.
1. We repent for our past misdeeds. But beyond that, we can also plant the good/right seed, of not wanting to make more mistakes in the future.
2. We can repent on behalf of our family, friends and sentient beings. May the seeds of repentence be planted in them.
3. We can also take the chance to plant the seeds of bodhicitta, to make the aspiration of full enlightenment of the benefit of all sentient beings.

May we all repent and be mindful and not commit the same wrong again.
Amituofo

如何降伏其心

A line from the Diamond sutra. Venerable was explaining it in the last chanting session. And it stayed with me.
I was thinking (hopefully contemplating) on how to do that, to 降伏其心.

I didn't have an answer until I seeked the answer from another Venerable yesterday.
And he told me that there are many methods to do so, and it is (obvouisly) dependent on the individual.

One can subdue the mind using concentration, using chanting, using meditation, using visualisation.
Whatever works best to tame and quiet down your mind. Something that we fall back on automatically, unconsciously, whenever we seek answers.

I have been trying to train my mind, to react with Amituofo in ALL instances.
And as time pass, I have been able to unconsciously recite the Buddha's name, to bring my mind back to the present whenever it starts to wander. Not foolproof nor perfect, but it is a good start.

May you find and develop your own method to 降伏其心.
It will be something that requires your 100% effort, your commitment and your time!

Thank you to my family

For all the suffering that I have gone thru in all the years past.

It might seem like a strange entry, but I am truly grateful for all the suffering that I had gone thru when I was younger.
For without the suffering, the "unfairness", the tears and depressive periods, I would not stand where I am today!

It was a very very good and impressionable period, where the roots of suffering were grounded deep into my consciousness. The roots of suffering which led me to question about life, the hurt and confusion which set the stage for my search and questions.

The sympathy towards all the world's suffering developed my compassion.
The eyes that saw the unfairness, that cried tears of loss and confusion. That saw the pain, the grief and the death of the suffering.
The eyes that in time to come, (hopefully), can see emptiness.

The heart which has experienced love, greed, attachment and hatred. The anger which the heart contained, the openness which subsequently developed. The forgiveness which came with years of learning and understanding.

For each and every happening, I thank my family, and those involved, that I may learn, that I may see, the ultimate truth in life.
That I may continue on my life, searching the end to all the suffering, to my purpose and my goal of full enlightenment
for the benefit of all sentient beings.

Thank you!
Amituofo.

Hair for Hope 2010

I still didnt participate. And the reasoning is still the same.
I want to participate for my own selfish reasons. And not for the benefit of all those children.

I believe in god(God)

I studied in a Methodist school, and attended kindergarten in a church, so in some ways, I am partially familiar with Christianity.

I have always believed in the existence of the Christian god. Years ago, when friends ask about my religion, (if they were Christians). I would say I believe in Christ. I do not attend cell groups, bible class, but I believe that there is that god of theirs.
But Christian friends who encouraged me to attend their cell groups, could not address my questions, nor deal with my fears and concerns. It wasn't only the fact that suffering could not be answered.

It was a self expectation issue. I felt that I could not live up to the image/expectation of a Christian, and for that, I
stepped away. There was a huge burden of disappointment, that I wasn't living the proper Christian life. And also, that life is still prevalently unfair!

There are still poor and unhealthy people who believes in Christ, but their circumstances does not improve.
I looked at all the suffering in the world, and I cry to god "why is that the case?"
But there was never an answer.

Those were depressing parts of my life, and there never was a satisfactory answer.

After learning Buddhism, I realised more, but I still do agree and believe in the existence of the Christian god.
If "he" exists, he exists. Period.

Seeking shelter from the rain

Went out today, and it was raining. By the time I hit my destination, it was pouring.
So it was a sigh of relief when I entered the shopping mall.
The mall represented a "refuge" from the rain. A place to be dry and comfortable, a place where the rain doesnt reach.
Yet, I will still need to go home at the end of the day.

so as I walked into the mall, the above thoughts flashed across my mind.
And I suddenly related it to the Triple Gems, to Pureland, to temples, to our Dharma classes.

The temples we visit, the Dharma classes we attend, even the concept of Pureland. Those are but temporary refuges,
temporary places where we can rest, where we can learn. But ultimately, at the end of the day, we would still need to go home.

And home in this case, can refer to the Triple Gems, to enlightenment.
If we keep running, if we are always out, if we never understand or know where is home, we will forever be looking out for shelter, for a place of refuge.

May we all know where to rest our feet, where our "end point" will be, that of enlightenment, and refuge in the Triple Gems.

3 step 1 bow

I went for my first 3 step 1 bow during Vesak, at Phor Kark See Monastery.
And wow, plenty of lessons learnt.

The lesson of patience
When i started queuing, it was around 1.30am. Think I only started on the process proper around 4am.

The lesson of perservance
By normal walking standards, the whole path will not take long. But when it is done with 3 steps and 1 bow, it is way way longer, and it is so easy to want to give up, or to keep thinking, when will I reach the end point.

The lesson of tolerance
With the long q, the huge no. of people, tolerance (and maybe compassion) comes into play. The slight pushing, overtaking, impatience, being stepped on...

The lesson of concentration
If one is fully focused on each prostration and the thought behind it, the level of concentration rises. And being concentrated on each prostration would probably bring more value for that action.

The lesson of the ego
I am ashamed to admit, that I didnt fully complete the 3 step 1 bow. And I was wearing shoes. Sigh. I have a weak ankle, and mid way (or less) thru the journey, I felt my ankle being strained/turned. And my mind told me, "it will not be fun if I twisted my ankle". And with that nagging thought, I "gave up", and didnt do the full prostration.
But just walking and doing a bows affected my concentration, and thoughts began to creep in.

The ego, the self won out in the end. But I will do better next time!

The lesson of awakened mind
I started around 4am, and ended ard 7am. The timing was marvelous. Starting in the dark, ending when the light has shining. The journey was sort of symbolic of the process of being awakened.

The purpose/aspiration
I can't guage what are the aspirations of others, or why they wish to participate in the 3 step 1 bow. But I can share mine. With each step that I take, with each 南无本师释迦摩尼佛 recited, I thank the Buddha for his teachings, and make the aspiration to attain enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings.

I will urge everyone to give 3 steps 1 bow a try, with the proper motivations. It is a lesson well worth learning!

To be born in Pureland

Inculcate faith to be born in pureland
Inspire aspiration to be born in pureland
Initiate practice to be born in pureland
Invite others to be born in pureland

The lotus purity of the mind - Essence of being

Thought and understood something the other day about the lotus.

The lotus flower and root are connected, are together, representing samsara and nirvana. Hence samsara and nirvana, can be viewed to be the "same".

If practice correctly, samsara and nirvana is the same (from a certain perspective).
When the mind is pure, without defilements, there is nirvana.

The lotus purity of the mind - Drama

Hm, think i can use this title to share a lot.
Plenty of learnings tied to the lotus...

I have been chasing after a taiwan drama serial these few days.
And while watching, while getting into all the emotions, the back of my mind is also analyzing the characters using the Dharma.

But while I can see the confusion, the dukkha, the greed and attachment, I am still drawn towards it, towards the emotions of the show. in fact, I let the emotions, the expectations of love, overwhelm me. I know at some level that all those are impermanent, but I cant stop myself when being touched, from being affected, from questioning the conventional aspects of life. (which are all empty at the end of the day)

So there I am, this being, trying to watch a show, but being confused on all levels.
Should I stop watching because I am over involved? Or should I continue and try to analyse and apply the Dharma? OR what?

It saddens me to see the confusion and hurt, and false expectations of the characters. Yet, on the worldly level, I myself seek and want the false promises of worldly love.

There is this internal struggle going on while I watch.
And I know that I am also defiling my mind while watching, but I am not able to train my mind to view it all in terms of the Dharma, not able to watch and use the suffering (of the characters) as my nutrients, to nourish and strengthen my resolve to practice the Dharma, to seek enlightenment.

The lotus rises out of the muddy water, and yet is pure. the mud is its fertiliser, its nutrients, and it allows it to grow.

When will I reach that stage, where everything, every happening around me, will become my nutrients, and propel me onwards towards enlightenment?

Are we up to that level

Expectations can be a very frightening thing...

We try to cultivate, but we expect so much, so fast, but that is not how it works...
Cultivation and practice truly takes time, patience, and effort (of course RIGHT EFFORT).

IF we are not at that level yet, there is no need to torture ourselves too much.
I used to feel disappointed and disillusioned whenever my practice is not up to what I expected.

But over time, as I understood more, I have allowed myself a little slack once in a while. Coz we are still humans afterall. We are not enlightened ones, so there will be defilements, there will be obstacles, there will be times when we expect too much from ourselves.

As long as our motivations are pure, as long as we are working towards the end goal of liberation, of benefiting other sentient beings, and we hold those aspirations and thoughts in our mind, I say we practice at a level that is comfortable for ourselves.

While we need to keep moving forward and progressing on our path towards enlightenment, walk the middle path. Take a break when you are tired.

You look very pretty when you smile

Heard that years back. Let's not go into whether it was a pick up line. The key focus here is the mind frame of that smile.

Do you think it is true, that a smile can make a difference? I have since agreed that to be the truth. Provided of course, that the smile was sincere and came from the heart.

When you are in a happy mood and you smile, it makes a whole load of difference to your mind frame.

The state of the mind does affect. And yet conversely, a smile, even faked, can cheer you up a little.
Try it! Smile like the Buddha = )

No passport to happiness

The Vesak celebrations at orchard that just passed, had the theme "passport to
happiness"

I somehow reflected on that (I would like to think meditated but I didn't LOL) and it
seems to me, that that might not be a perfect theme or tagline.
By focusing on a Passport, it seems to indicate the need of external factors to
bring about my happiness. You need to obtain a passport before you can go where
happiness is. Of course it can be read in more than one way, but the immediate one
that jumped out at me was external places and events.

Happiness, our own happiness, should be controlled by ourselves, by our mind, and
not solely dependent on what you have, where you go, or even who you hang out with.
And yes, we should have that internal passport which can lead us to happiness, which
is the four approaches of hearing, contemplating, cultivating, and realizing.
But so very often, people missed that, and zoom in straight to the historical
monuments, locations of Buddhism, or the free distribution books, as if having loads
(without the effort of the accompanying practice) is sufficient.
We are totally missing the point. We create our own happiness! And we do not need an
external passport for that.
Externalities can only bring us that far. At the end of the day, it is still our own
cultivation and reliance that matters.

Of course, it is different for Vesak at orchard coz it was a marketing strategy to
attract more. But I can't help feel that the meaning of happiness is skewed in this
sense. Because many are not touched on the important level of real practice.  

I need to meditate more

It's been quite some time since I blogged. But I must say, I have learnt a lot these few weeks/months. I just havn't really had the time to digest or internalise. So much new info and understanding.

And it's sort of, where do I start... with my new job, the interesting and meaningful work, the classes I attended and learnt from, or the "realisations" that I have had in the tiny little ways, or the teachers, people that I have met and benefited from...

Truly, because I havnt sat down to meditate on it all, I can't put them all down in words here. But suffice to say, my time has not been wasted. Tho of course, they could have been put to better use. Like my cultivation practice and/or meditation.

100 hundred days and counting

So fast. No wonder people say that time flies...It does truly. Esp when one is not mindful enough.
Life goes on, and you get drawn back into the daily rush and work. Forgetting simple or even important things. Not being conscious of each and every breath. Letting stress and worry dictate and drive your life, your every thought, every moment. Is that really what you want out of your life???

It is definitely not what I want for mine, but it is honestly hard to keep aware, to be mindful, to be present.
Like the lotus, we should all try for bring pure even though we are born of the mud. To capture the nutrients of the suffering around us, to remind us that THERE IS SUFFERING.

And truly, there is suffering, so much so much.

Happiness is a mindset

In fact, almost everyone knows about that. (Or maybe not, and I am assuming too much)

But how many of us can truly practice and have happiness in every single moment?

Driven to its core, happiness is easily achieveable. Ask any psychologist. They might just tell you, positive thinking. And that is what happiness is!

Of course for Buddhists, we take it a step further. Yes, happiness can be derived thru mind training, from positive thoughts, by showing compassion, etc. In fact, happiness is your peace of mind. If your mind is peaceful, you will not have disturbing thoughts, your emotions will not fluctuate, and all is well and happy.

We all have what it takes to be happy, at the bare minimum level.

Mayday DNA

Mayday concert in April(?)
Am still pondering over whether I should attend.
I like their songs, but am getting too old for the high, for the mindless amusement. Plus I am no longer willing to spend the money.

But their songs have taught me, and brought me thru certain life stages. The lyrics are meaningful and strikes at the heart (at least mine). It has a number of principles, philosophies, life experiences in them.

I have often been grateful to the lead singer, for his wonderful songs and marvelous lyrics.
One of their songs, 天使 has always given me the feeling that he is an angel, here to bring us certain experiences.
And their songs can better allow one to view life.
Research into their songs, and you can learn alot more about life.

Press the Reset button

Albert Einstein said that we cant solve the problem created by this mind with this mind. (Heard that from a friend)



And it really makes sense. Think about it. Our mind thinks this and that, our mind judges, labels, learn to discriminate, have perceptions. All with the MIND. All through the mind.

So it doesnt quite make sense to solve problems orginally created by this mind, with this mind.
So how???

Well, that's why you should press the reset button.
To reset and clear all the old habits, all the old concepts taught and learnt, all the discrimination and perspectives, all the theories, all the conditioned, framed and learnt behavior.

If we can be that open, and brave enough to press the reset button, than all our problems will be washed away by that single press. We have all to gain, and nothing to lose.
But to restart with nothing, I suppose is very scary for all.

But I would urge you to try. Even if it is for a very simple item/idea. The exprience of being liberated from your old habits and ideas is priceless, and you can bring it with you wherever you go.

Try it. Press the reset button!

七七四十九

The 49th day. How fast time flies.
I made a promise to do certain practices, but I failed to keep to it. Argh.

The passing of a human life. So fast, so easily forgotten.
And another new existence begins.

The different perspectives of the family. The different experiences. Different level of sadness and lost.
Different understanding of death.

If one had lived with compassion and wisdom....what is 七七四十九 but numbers

What is life?

Even at the age of 30, I do not know the answer to that question.
But I suppose it doesn't matter, coz you are still alive no matter.
And death will not be able to answer the same question.
So just be.

And from the buddhist perspective, practice the Dharma.

It is easy to be lost

And harder to be dead.

Death seems to signify an end, but it doesn't liberate you.

But for this life, being lost is like a form of death. It seems as if it Is the end of the world. That nothing else matters anymore. 所谓生不如死
And that doesnt mean that living is better than death. It simply means you are (sort of) living in hell.

So many of us have lost our way, struggling in samsara, going thru the motions, filled with delusions. And from a very negative perception, our life is like hell. Because our mind states are not calm, not peaceful, sometimes filled with anger.

How than, can we find our way?

I do not have any answer for you. I can only share that the Buddha Dharma is my path, my way, my journey, my experience of the guiding light.

May you find your guiding light in this world of delusions.

Why do we create wealth

Question asked during a Dharma class. So why do we work and save to create wealth?
As the chinese saying goes, 钱不是万能的，但没钱万万不能。

Wealth creation can be said to be forward looking. But in some sense to me, it is not planning for the right future.
Yes, we need money for our retirement, so as not to be a burden, to be able to maintain our current lifestyle, to leave behind some for our children.

Even the Buddha (if i got it right), encouraged wealth creation.

But from another perspective, isnt wealth creation (taken to the extreme), a reflection of not being contented?

As always, walk the middle path

Life is moment by moment

When we talk about death, we are also talking about life.
For the only difference between the two is only a single breath.

If your next breath doesn't come, Its the end of our life.

So what is life but a series of breaths...

Am I too extreme?

Tho I m trying to walk the middle path, my understanding is still limited, my delusions strong, temptations numerous.

And there are times when it is easier to take e extreme path coz it is clearcut and there's no need to strike a balance nor work so hard at living right.

It is really tiring being a Buddhist. Small wonder that other religions are more popular.

But I suppose liberation is worth it all. Jia you!

I am 7 years old ago

No one would believe that of me. Anywayz.

Heard this from a venerable.

A reincarnated rinpoche reached her 7 year age.
And when faced with the upcoming birthday celebration, she said "I am 7 years old again"

How true. If we can see the truth, that we have been stuck in samsara for eons, than our birthdays mean nothing, and we would shrink back from celebrating.

To see the truth means we can face death, and truly live with the aim towards liberation.

Practice the dharma purely now!

I am so connected

Humans are so deluded. (Myself included).

Yen got a smart phone HTC HD2 and it can act as a wireless router. So now he has the habit of saying "I m so connected".

I never fully appreciated the connectedness. But as I m seated here in KAP, waiting for a friend to come for breakfast, there is Wireless@SG, which autoconnected my ipod touch.

As I walked in this morning, I knew I was early, and was lamenting the fact that I didnt bring my laptop along. So out came my ipod touch, which i use to blog, and the wireless autoconnected. So cool. It was at that moment that i fully appreciated "I am so connected".

But what is the point of being so connected???
IF deep down inside, we are not connected to our heart, to compassion?

Death and its perspectives

Read about the death of the world’s shortest man. It was the photo that captivated me. I assume he would have faced loads of troubles in his life, but his smile, was amazing. It seemed as if he is permanently happy, that he has seen and experienced life, but has found it meaningful and wonderful. I would give anything to have such a smile (it is really the eyes that smiled and twinkled).

Attended a class that focused on death and the lower rebirths. It really spoke to my heart about the importance of practicing Dharma NOW, purely. But my friends who attended went away with other opinions. And for that, I felt at a lost. I can only bring my friends to the class, but what they take away, is something I cannot control.

We went for supper after class, and sort of discussed the topic, but I didn't really share my views. In my heart, I was still thinking of ways to share and let them understand the fear of dying. Not of dying, but of a lower rebirth. (of course this is on the assumption that you believe in rebirths). It wasn't that they didn't understand this fact, but one took issue with the fear driven method of teaching about death.

Honestly, fear of a lower rebirth is one of my biggest fear. Because you really don't know where you will end up, and I do know (for a fact), that I had committed un-virtuous actions in this lifetime, not to mention the past.

And my biggest fear for the people around me, is the fact that they are not in touch with Dharma, so who is to guess what sort of mind frame they will be in when they die. They do not even have the Triple Gems to take refuge in.

And due to my limited knowledge and lack of skillful means, I can’t do much more for them.

Sadly, even I am not practicing Dharma purely, moment to moment.

Death is good for you

Not the actual dying but the experience of your loved ones passing on.

Yes, you might be sad that they are no longer around but nevertheless, it is still something that you will need to go thru, so why not take the opporunity to learn and see the truth?

Truths are aplenty no matter where or what happens. Especially so in the face of death.

Impermanence, the attachment, being prepared for death, coping with your emotions, non-stop practicing.

If you truly understood death and the mysteries around it, you will live life fully, in e moment, and yet prepared for it.

I have learnt some during this period of my life. It remains to put it into practice and constantly be mindful.

Work is a "hell hole"

Hm... not what you think I am think.

While I won't go to the extent of saying I love my job (coz that reflects attachment of sorts) , I appreciate it for a variety of reasons.

When you work, sometimes it is the best place to learn and practice. Problems will no doubt crop up, and that is e best time to learn to face and resolve them.

When we take that positive attitude towards work issues, it's a win win.
We solve e prob and resolve our issues.
It is also a good time to be watching the mind.

To watch e mind for ego and attachment. To watch your reactions and emotions.
I have seen my mind go in all directions but the right one.
But at least I am watching it, and will slowly guide it in the right direction.

Work might be hell for all the problems and issues, but it is the best learning experience you can ever get!

Work the middle path

Sort of went back into the workforce and all sort of issues are surfacing. Typical I suppose, but I m grateful that I m more mindful this time round.

I m not the kind that can leave work behind when I go home. But I will continue to keep trying.
Trying to let go and not be attached.
As long as I did my best, I will not be attached to the results nor my image, etc.

Work is impersonal. And that is an important concept. We take work to be so much more. That it becomes our identity or our self image or esteem.
Work does not reflect us, and we shouldn't be so attached to what is associated with our job.

Of course we still need to do a good job. That is our responsibility, what we are paid for. Hence work the middle path.

I don't care!

Heard that statement from one of the flats as I was walking to the bus-stop.

It didnt quite stop me in my tracks, but it came close enough.


How often I used that statement myself. I suppose I have reduced it over the years, but even if it wasnt verbalised, the action and thought running thru my head is going "I don't care!"


'I dont care' now seems to me to be the true reflection of a self-cherishing attitude.

By going 'I dont care', u make yourself the centre of the universe, and that only you matter. That what you want is the most important and most right.


However, right can easily be wrong when you stand in the other person's shoes. So how can you forever be right?

But that's not the point. The key point here, is that we should reduce our self cherishing attitude. From a lay perspective, everyone else has the right to live, to their comments and actions. So instead of going I dont care, we should be more compassionate and willing to share their differences.

What grounds you?

The title sound very new agey. But I want to share about this from the Buddhism perspective.

Generally speaking, alot of things can ground a person. Let me explain the grounding part.
Grounding in the sense that that is the fundamental thing that you will return to, that you are based on, that you function on.

The one thing that will keep you in check, or your mind at peace. That you can take refuge in, and return to, in times of need. That will help you stay sane and move on in your daily life when you encounter turbulences in your life.

That is the whole concept of Taking Refuge in Buddhism. (But this entry isnt wholly about taking refuge.)

A good friend shared that he is lost and confused in his life. And try as I might, I couldnt think up anything for him to guide his way. Not the Triple Gems, not the fact that he will be stuck in samsara. And I could not understand why. (I do and I don't)

Personally, the fact of samsara always pulls me back. Maybe not immediately, but the thought will build in my mind, and I will try to wade through the delusions to fall back on the Triple Gems. For I cannot imagine myself suffering for endless time (if i made that wrong decision etc). The temptation is still there, but fear of eons of endless suffering stops me midway.

Sad to say, it is based on fear. But at least it keeps me on the right track for now. And it does ground me to a huge extent. Not all my thoughts, actions and decisions are processed this way, but mindfulness is slowly increasing.

What about you? What grounds you? Or what do you take refuge in? That you count on to provide direction when you are lost?

I sincerely hope it is the Triple Gems, or the Buddha Dharma

How has Buddhism influenced my life

A very cliche title but I still want to share thus.

Met up with an old college friend for dinner. And somewhere during the conversation, he shared that he could see the changes in me, due to the Buddha Dharma. Which led to this entry.


Hm, i sense a long story coming along.

Anyway, changes in a person is not best shared by the person in question, coz the views might be biased. But I suppose I could still share what I think....

To be honest with myself, the changes are minimal on the surface level.
Most who know me would already think that I am a kind person. But the attitude behind it has shifted from plain kindness, to one focused on compassion. I might not be able to achieve the Bodhisattva spirit yet, but the concept of compassion and wisdom is stronger in me than before.

And while I am still deluded by illusions, the mind is slowly learning to train itself, to watch itself. It might not catch the delusion in time, but at least it is slightly more mindful than before. And mindfulness, is the best attitude and technique anyone can ever have.

Of course the path to enlightenment is very very long, but at least the first baby steps are already being taken.

And at least I have some thing to fall back on in times of fear and worry.
Praise to the Triple Gems for being my refuge and foundation.

IT Refuge

I went for a group mani chanting session on Friday.

And the chant master was sharing about taking refuge during the session.
Sometime later, he turned to ask me where is Yen.

Well, Yen was at the IT fair instead of the chanting session, or his yoga lesson.
And it translated to the fact that Yen took refuge in IT instead.

Which I agree to be the truth.
If the Triple Gems were important to you, if you value your time such that it can benefit sentient beings, you will consciously choose to attend the chanting session instead (or any Dharma activities).

Yet alot of us are still driven by our delusions regarding the material world. And we take refuge in physical forms instead of relying on the strength and guidance of the Triple Gems.

Let us live our lives mindfully, and truly understand and practice the real taking of refuge in the Triple Gems.

Praise to the Triple Gems for guiding our path to enlightenment.

Mirror mirror on e wall

We all know that what we see in the mirror is not real. That it is just a reflection and lacks real form. Hence we sort of discount that image in the mirror.

Of course we still scrutinize it when we are vain but it is a known fact that the image is "false", as in it doesnt have its own life.

If we can accept the fact that the image in the mirror is false, than why do we hold on to e delusion that our body/form is real? I thought it was a very good parallel.

Of course e fact that our form is empty is harder to accept. But if we can be taught that e mirror image is false, we too in time, can learn and realise that our physical form too is empty and false.

Buddhist fellowship

Not the organisation, but fellowship between buddhists.

I suppose it is important to have fellow Buddhist around one, to provide the support and guidance in one's life, with the focus on the dharma. I consider myself a relatively young Buddhist, so my dharma knowledge is minimum.

As such, I realise and find it difficult to provide the right kind of support to my friends (not that I do not try, of course). When one is still trying to find the balance and walk the middle path, one does not (seemingly) have the means or skills to support another.

And for that, I am sad(?). I would love to share more but I fear that I lack the wisdom and would misguide others. And I lament at that fact. In any case, fellowship is still necessary and essential.

What does sugar taste like

My yoga instructor once asked us how to describe sugar taste to one who has never tasted it.

The technical correct answer is get the person to taste it himself.
I couldn't figure out the answer at first. But to taste for oneself makes sense.

Similarly (and maybe sad to say) the case for Buddhism.

You need to understand and practice the Dharma before you can reap the benefits and truly understand how it can benefit you. Plain sharing by fellow buddhists will not fully allow you to grasp the value and beauty of applying the Dharma in your life.

Just as I can say meditation brings me peace, a non practitioner will find it hard to comprehend.

Dharma must be practiced to have a real taste of it's benefits!
What does Dharma practice taste like to you?

借福 - CTS 29

One thing I learnt at CTS, was e "concept" of 借福.

And I firmly believe that that is e mindset that the current generation lacks.
It is nothing new but seldom practiced.

If we knew how to treasure resources and not be wasteful nor take for granted, the world might be in a better state than that which we see today. It is not hard to prevent wastage. At CTS, we flush e toilet using laundry water. Wastage during dish washing is minimized using big tubs for rinsing. Recycling is encouraged.

There are many ways to respect and treasure our resources but sometimes we take it for granted.

If you believe in samsara, than you might return to suffer in e future where resources are scarce or where even e air is so polluted that you can't breathe properly. Just because u need it now, doesn't mean that you can't share or that it will never run out.

If we can minimize our self cherishing attitude and think for others or our future generation, the world will be a much better place to live in.
In addition you are creating merits as well as conditions for yourself to enjoy e resources in future!

借福 is a good practice that we should build up and inculcate in our people today.

Taken for granted: his karma or mine

Honestly, I know I take yen for granted.

There are times when I sit down and wonder: is it his karma or mine? His lousy karma or my good karma?
To be able to find someone who supports me and provides me with e condition to practice.

I am very thankful that I have him in my life. I can only hope that I have brought the Dharma into his life as well.

It truly doesn't matter if it is his lousy or good karma or mine.
While not fatalistic, it was meant to be.

I can only count my blessings, and for that I m grateful.
Amituofo.

Immortality is not

... not sure what word to use to describe my thoughts...
worthy? fantastic? priceless? to die for?

was reading fantasy books where there are creatures who are immortal. and I asked if there truly are immortals who are walking this land?

when u think about it, we are "immortals" in some sense.
if you believe in cyclic existence, than we never really "die", in the no longer existing sense of the word, because our "consciousness lives" on.

And I suppose the Buddha could be considered an immortal? Of course not in the way and terms of the lore.

In any case, we should be thankful that we are not immortals. for than, the suffering would be endless. as it is, we should grateful for small favours, in this case, the pain of rebirth where we have no memories of our past suffering. imagine having to carry those pain and fear, living on for endless times where the dissatisfaction never ends.

it is a plus, also a minus of cyclic existence.

True immortality (to me), is in the state of our minds. When our mind is free from delusion, time and space will be seen in its true nature.

Sorry sorry super junior

Was watching the mtv the other day. I must say, it was very well done. Simple steps, but gracefully choreographed. I can totally understand why gals are so mesmerised. Even I was quite hooked on it.

But alas, it didnt last long. There is a surge of joy and exhilaration when watching, but obviously it fades when it is over.

And I found out, luckily not the hard way, that once again, those surges of high and joy isnt worth much. And it upsets my peace and tranquility. You find yourself yearning for things that are unsubstantial, that are useless. And that is totally a waste of time and energy, which can be put to better use.

Sorry sorry super junior, but i will refrain from watching you dance again.

sorry sorry

Christopher Pike and emptiness

I am not sure if I got the author right, but I think so.
I used to read fiction by Christopher Pike (a bit of horror is involved) when I was a teenager.

And there was one book about cyborgs, where a scientist committed suicide because he drilled into particles and found nothing (emptiness). [This ties in with the nanotech and particles and energy sort of stuff in quantum physics these days]

Anyway, as a teenager, I was intrigued(?) by the scientist's suicide note "There is nothing".
And I thought it to be so true. That there must be "nothing". This statement has stayed with me.

So learning about emptiness was a joy. It sort of validated what I had always believed in.
Only better, I saw it from the correct perspective, that while it is empty and we shouldnt be attached, we should strive on the middle path, and NOT take the extreme way out like the scientist. Or over indulge since "it all doesnt matter as it is empty anyway".

Thank you christopher pike, for my entry into the world of emptiness

The road oft taken

I was walking to the bus stop few streets away the other day. And before I left the house, I was thinking to myself, that I would take a different route that is seemingly shorter today.

And so I walked, crossed one street, down one pavement...
before I realised that I had already turned down the path that I have taken every day, and not the one that I had planned.

It really shocked me, coz I was planning on that other more scenic route, but by force of habit, my feet took me down the same old trodden path.

And it came to me, that our habitual tendencies, our force of habits, are so so strong, that it will take a massive effort to change them.

Is that a good or bad "realisation"?
I can only say it is timely reminder.
To remind that everything requires an effort. And often the most important things require a stronger and more concentrated effort.

It is hard to put the Dharma into practice, as our habits come into play and the new lessons are forgotten. But we got to keep trying, to incorporate Buddhist wisdom and practices into our daily lives.

May we have the wisdom and fortitude to take the path less travelled, with mindful and right effort.

Irritating children

I have never been one for kids. Even smiling at children on the public transport or streets feels forced.

It could be coz I find them irritating, or because i see the difficulty in raising a child up properly.

In any case, I dislike children. Tremendously. And I am not afraid to admit it now. Sometimes the dislike is so strong, that it even borders on hatred.



And I have spent a long time wondering and asking myself why that is the case. They have done nothing to offend me, so why the strong feelings.

I still dont have a clear answer.



But maybe, just maybe, it is because I see myself in them.

I see the self-cherishing attitude that I hold, manifested thousand times in their crying to get what they want.



Somehow when we are young, we learn that crying can get us our way. Or is it the over-indulgence of our parents?

In any case, we develop the self-cherishing attitude that we come first.... That we can always get what we want, that the suffering of others does not matter as long as I achieve what I want.



IS that really the case? Is that really what we are taught unconsciously?

I believe that to be the case, and for that, I fear that I will never be able to like children, and that the self-cherishing attitude I hold will be hard to erradicate.



But I will not give up on trying. Trying to put others before self. Even those irritating children.

Karma is not fatalistic

As taught by a Venerable, karma is not fatalistic nor deterministic. Meaning it is not a forgone conclusion.
Meaning while you get what you sow/plant, the changes in the conditions required for fruitation can still vary and change the outcome.

I was thinking of all the natural disasters, and how hard it is to help the victims when this came to mind.

As Buddhists, we shouldnt think that it is their karma, or that we can do nothing to help them.
While there are challenges to assist them or educate them about the Buddha Dharma, it doesnt mean that we shouldnt try, or that it wouldnt work, or have no effect.

Our smallest action will plant a seed, that may in time come to bloom. We shouldnt give up on account of our misconception about karma and it results.

Humanitarian work is a good way for Buddhism to spread, thru our actions and behaviours. By practicing what we believe in.

Is it really your karma?

But it is not deterministic.
I can only say that I did not try my best, and for that I would forever be regretful.

Regret is a rather sorrowful thing.

Another death in e family and once again, I did not manage to do much to help. And I used the excuse of their karma as the "obstruction" to my assistance.
How true is that? I do not know. I only know regrets!

Like any human, I sought to find excuses for myself. The environment was not conducive, I could not over ride the decision of e eldest son, I was afraid of other peoples' opinions...As always, I could do more, but I have yet to.

I look at the family and I fear greatly for them. What if the rest of them have even less merits? None of the children are buddhists, so there goes the last min salvaging with Buddhist chants during e last moments and funeral, much less the 49 days.

Where would their rebirth take them? When you do not have e slightest idea, that is when to fear! More to fear.

She was 96 when she left. In general (from a samsaric perspective), she has had a good life. But towards the end, there was a host of health problems, including a gaping wound that would not heal.

And I was reminded of those stories of merits and good karma coming to an end, and your enemies and debtors coming after you. I believe that to be true, and what was observed is plain scary.

You might think you are kind, but are you really?

Of course I suppose our fear all comes from our delusions ! But it is still true while we are in samsara.
But I hold on to the fact that karma is not fatalistic...

Sorry sorry (NOT super junior)

Was listening to a talk (cd) about the bodhisattva precepts, and one build on the not lying precept, that one should not gossip or talk bad about 4 groups of people.

Often we speak without thinking, after which we go "sorry sorry".
But that is not being mindful.

If we take the precepts, we should ever be mindful and hold on fast to it, and not speak without thinking and go sorry sorry after.

I did that once after listening to e talk. And I caught the sorry sorry. But not before I spoke ill of someone already.

They say "sorry no cure". And in terms of karma, that is true.
I can only promise to continue being mindful.

when nothing u do goes right, turn left

A friend's msn nick.

And I thought it was very good.
Right is only right when there is wrong, or when there is left.
If there is no wrong, how can there be right???

We make things into right and wrong, or right and left, so why do we get upset when it turns out left?

It is the right attitude of my friend that I want to share and praise.
IF we could see the fact that right only exists in our minds because we distinguished between right and wrong, than there is no right or wrong at all.

In any case, it is just good advice:
When nothing you go goes right, turn left.

The heartbeat of 阿弥驼佛

Have you heard about the practice of ten sets of simple recitation of 阿弥驼佛?
Basically you recite 阿弥驼佛 ten times (each set) during ten periods of the day. It is just a simple and quick method for us to be mindful of 阿弥驼佛.

So I was reciting this morning when I woke up, and somehow, (maybe coz I was still groggy), I was feeling my heartbeat when I was reciting.

And that brought me loads of joy, because I (sort of) realised that our hearts should beat to the "drum" of 阿弥驼佛. That each heartbeat, should be that of 阿弥驼佛, that in every single heartbeat, the ultimate goal of Buddhahood is and can be achieved. (In my case, my aspiration of rebirth in Pureland).

Our hearts should beat with, and for 阿弥驼佛, for liberation, for enlightenment, for compassion.
What does your heart beat to?

A blazing fire of existence

Learnt about the Fire Sermon. And I was touched by it.

Truly, our existence is just like a blazing fire.
It burns as a result of the 3 poisons. Of greed, anger and delusion. And we keep it burning, non-stop.
It burns as a result of our karma, continually keeping us in cyclic existence.

It burns, we look at it, and think it is great.
We are so deluded....

What sort of Buddhist are you?

Buddhists can be generally categorised into 2 main types. (According to a talk, but I sort of re-categorised for my entry purpose)
i) Prayer (拜拜 Buddhists) and
ii) Lay Buddhists (which can be further segmented based on level of practice, etc)

拜拜 Buddhists means they only pray to the statues without any real understanding of the Dharma. And most likely have not taken refuge, nor attend Dharma class.

Lay Buddhists as mentioned, can be segmented:
- Taken Refuge
- Taken 5 Precepts
- Does some form of practices/Cultivate
- Taken Bodhisattva Precepts, etc....

The above is just to share, and maybe for you to think about, whether or not you are a Buddhist, and at which stage you are at.

When Venerable was teaching, I was wondering to myself. Where am I? Am I a Lay Buddhist, or a 拜拜 buddhist?
I might have taken the 3 Refuge and 5 Precepts, but have I taken it right, or kept to it, or fully understood the significance behind them?

True, I am learning more every day, but if I were to judge myself, I find myself far off the mark of a lay Buddhist.

I dont wish to pigeon hole anyone or myself. But the right view and concept would really make a different in the long run.

Taking Refuge is not as simple as reciting the Homage verses after the Venerable. It is a real homage from the heart, and the constant reminder and trust that we can rely on the Triple Gems. And the fact that we let the Triple Gems guide us in our body, speech and mind.

Now, what sort of Buddhist do you think you are?