Is it really your karma?

But it is not deterministic.
I can only say that I did not try my best, and for that I would forever be regretful.

Regret is a rather sorrowful thing.

Another death in e family and once again, I did not manage to do much to help. And I used the excuse of their karma as the "obstruction" to my assistance.
How true is that? I do not know. I only know regrets!

Like any human, I sought to find excuses for myself. The environment was not conducive, I could not over ride the decision of e eldest son, I was afraid of other peoples' opinions...As always, I could do more, but I have yet to.

I look at the family and I fear greatly for them. What if the rest of them have even less merits? None of the children are buddhists, so there goes the last min salvaging with Buddhist chants during e last moments and funeral, much less the 49 days.

Where would their rebirth take them? When you do not have e slightest idea, that is when to fear! More to fear.

She was 96 when she left. In general (from a samsaric perspective), she has had a good life. But towards the end, there was a host of health problems, including a gaping wound that would not heal.

And I was reminded of those stories of merits and good karma coming to an end, and your enemies and debtors coming after you. I believe that to be true, and what was observed is plain scary.

You might think you are kind, but are you really?

Of course I suppose our fear all comes from our delusions ! But it is still true while we are in samsara.
But I hold on to the fact that karma is not fatalistic...