Irritating children

I have never been one for kids. Even smiling at children on the public transport or streets feels forced.

It could be coz I find them irritating, or because i see the difficulty in raising a child up properly.

In any case, I dislike children. Tremendously. And I am not afraid to admit it now. Sometimes the dislike is so strong, that it even borders on hatred.



And I have spent a long time wondering and asking myself why that is the case. They have done nothing to offend me, so why the strong feelings.

I still dont have a clear answer.



But maybe, just maybe, it is because I see myself in them.

I see the self-cherishing attitude that I hold, manifested thousand times in their crying to get what they want.



Somehow when we are young, we learn that crying can get us our way. Or is it the over-indulgence of our parents?

In any case, we develop the self-cherishing attitude that we come first.... That we can always get what we want, that the suffering of others does not matter as long as I achieve what I want.



IS that really the case? Is that really what we are taught unconsciously?

I believe that to be the case, and for that, I fear that I will never be able to like children, and that the self-cherishing attitude I hold will be hard to erradicate.



But I will not give up on trying. Trying to put others before self. Even those irritating children.