Hm...I suppose that in our deluded nature, it is natural to have expectations.
So naturally, I had expectations about the retreat.
I guess I was hoping to be able to achieve something, to be able to concentrate, to learn more, etc.
And yet, it is due to our deluded nature that we have expectations.
There were moments during the retreat where I wanted to cry. I just had that hopeless feeling, where I want to hole up somewhere and let my tears drop.
If I were to pause now and reflect, I have realised that it is due to my own expectations. I felt down simply because I couldnt concentrate, that my mind was still wondering, that I assumed I would be able to achieve something, that I was failing in my practice.
But no one was judging me. If I had given of my best, than who can fault me (not that I have of course, but oh well).
Expectations are truly fearful. For they could lead to us giving up, and yet they are only delusions that are seeking to lead us astray.
I should have transformed those energies into my practice.
It is only because we think we are right, that we should be that good, that we have "inaccurate expectations".
Expectations of any form is a type of suffering. Let us not fall into that hole, and create more trouble for ourselves.
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