形与行

I have been meaning to write on this topic for the longest time. But inertia was too great, plus the unwillingness to reflect on my life/practice.

By行, I was referring to my Buddhism practices, which could broadly be categorized into 2 types. The “external” practice, meaning, meditation, chanting, sutra recitation, etc; and “internal” practice, which I define as upholding the precepts, 10 wholesome deeds, watching our speech, actions and thoughts, etc, basically living by example, Buddhist behaviors.

I fully realize and understand the need for行 in our daily lives. Without行, I can hardly call myself a Buddhist. Yet, for a long time, I placed more emphasis on形.

形 can refer to the external appearances of practicing, ie sitting on a cushion, but with the mind wandering, a shell of the practicing. Yes, I know it is common for the mind to wonder during the meditation, but if we were to seriously observe the mind and our efforts, one might find that we do not exert enough (or any) effort to “control” the mind. It is very easy to sit on the cushion and chant. But to put in efforts to ensure mindfulness on the Buddha’s name, that is hard!

It is as if I think that just sitting on the cushion is sufficient to pass off as practice. I know how much effort I put into my practice, into controlling my mind. And all I can say, is that I am only practicing形, practicing the external appearances of a practice.

Over time, I discovered about my形, and saw that, at the same time, I lacked the foundations for internal行. I have been attending classes on the basics of Buddhism, but that is not sufficient. The teachings were never yet internalized, nor put into application.

Well, you can ask, what the h*** was I doing than? And my shameful reply would be “I thought I was practicing, that that was sufficient.” There is so much more for me to learn, which I am doing everyday, but sometimes I slow down to observe others, and I wonder (hopefully without judgment), if they are practicing形 or 行…

It is truly a concern (at least to me), that a lot of folks are just practicing形, that they think, (or maybe were taught) that that is sufficient? But is it? Based on personal experience, it isn’t enough. Practice without understanding, without foundations, would not lead you anywhere.

I am a Pureland practitioner, and while Pureland is already a “shortcut” for the path to enlightenment, I have been encouraged, to at least have some small, minimal pockets of time for mindfulness of the Amitabha Buddha’s name (seemingly another shortcut for busy modern people).

That is obviously a good start, but barely sufficient. True, we can tap on Amitabha Buddha’s merits, but there are still some prerequisites before we are “permitted” into his Pureland.

I once held on to the belief that my faith and his merits would be sufficient for me to gain rebirth there, but somehow, subsequently I learnt that I didn’t have enough merits of my own to “propel” me to the level where I can tap on His. My 行 wasn’t solid enough, and形 just made it worst.
In some ways, I am left with nothing now. For I gave up on my 形, and am hardly practicing 行…. 阿弥驼佛