How do you look when you are practicing?

One of my spiritual senior posted this challenge to me. To “look” at myself when I am practicing, meaning I should try to step out and observe myself during my practices.

I didn’t even need to think about it before rejecting the challenge. Because I already know how I look like. It is simply an embarrassment to say it, but I so do not look 庄严 during my practices.

I get restless, my legs get numbed, my fingers are cramped from counting the beads. I fidget and slouch. My concentration is not 100% on the chanting, etc. (The list can be quite long)

And that is definitely not the mark of a good practice. Nor a good practitioner.
Of course I have high expectations, but the whole point is to work hard at it to achieve a certain level of “attainment”.

I have a long way to go, but as long as I am willing to keep at the practice, I will be happy at my “achievement” [because I have been slacking for some time]…

Would you like to take up the challenge of observing yourself at your practice?

Another thing I want to note, is that our practices is not about the external. Meaning not how you look like when you are seated on your cushion. Nor how you sound like the monks when you are chanting.

Our practices should be focused on the internal. The level of concentration, the radiating of metta or the whole hearted faith in the Buddha… and that is what I need to work hard at.