Met my primary school crush/first love the other day....
and a well of emotions arose in me. quite typical i believe, because we all have regrets and the greed for the unattainable, that which is not meant to be ours.
hm...in that sentence above, i have summarised all my thoughts.
but now how do i than "resolve" it?
i understand it is not meant to be, but my heart is tempted by greed and sensual desires. the ego wants what it has lost, and pride is gearing up to "show off", that "i am living a marvelous life, what about you?"; "do you regret what you have lost?..."
is this totally necessary? what is the whole point of it?
things have already changed, and obviously wont be the same again. and truly, it would never have worked out in the first place, so why the jealousy? whatever happened to contentment in my life?
humans are such silly creatures that i sometimes find it easy to believe that god is up there laughing at us.
watching our shows as "life is but a stage"
i know the moment will pass in time to come, and that my mindfulness has allowed me to capture it in its "first bloom". But my mind is not disciplined enough yet to say "abandon those thoughts and remember gratitude. release the negative emotions and move on"
the ego would like to think that the other party felt the same way, but so what?
so what if it did, or so what if it didnt...
it is not really about first loves.
it is about our greed for love, the attachment to labels and people. the need for companionship...
i will strive for unconditional love to all.
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