Sunday, July 26, 2009

Rushing towards Pureland - 跑西方

There was a session "titled" 跑西方 during the retreat.
Instead of circumvanting the Buddha, we ran instead. To reflect the urgency that we should have in our practice to gain rebirth in Pureland. To me, it was the most "relevant" activity of the retreat. because I could fully comprehend and understood the significance of running towards Pureland.

Life is short and impermanent. IF we only focus on the material and our attachment to our family, career, etc, we are only creating more attachment to our stay in samsara.

And because of the constant motion/activity, I find that it was easier to concentrate.
However the run on the last day was a disappointment to me.

It was solely a lack of discipline and compassion.
The auntie behind me was really really rushing towards "Pureland". Such that she kept stepping on my feet, or bumming into me when she failed to moderate her speed or "brake" in time. And due to this annoyance, frustration arose in me, and I had difficulties concentrating on my own run and thoughts.

Parts of me understood that I should be more understanding and "forgiving", because it's an auntie afterall, and she did seem to be "enjoying" herself. And afterall, we all have the same end goal - Pureland.
Yet aversion could not be stopped. And the thought of that further affected my concentration.

Such that in the end, I was disappointed in myself for not being able to concentrate, and letting frustration overcome me.

On reflection, that whole process seemed like life itself. You can have a goal, which you fix your attention on, but throughout the journey, there will be difficulites and obstacles. You can go on being unhappy about it, or you can accept it, and make the best out of it.

I failed to convert the anger into positive energy. But I am thankful that my mindfulness had helped me to "see" the true frustration. At myself!

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