Be mindful of your mind

I just want to share this terrible terrible experience that i went thru, and am still trying to digest/analyse and learn from.

To cut the long story short, I threw a horrible tantrum at my husband and walked out of the house.

The irony is, I dont even know what was it that triggered the outburst. I only know that I came home, found that things were not done the way I requested, I blew.

I can only be grateful that the trainings (the pitiful little bit) I tried to put my mind thru helped.
The thoughts of screaming and throwing things around were running in my head, and I was sorely tempted to do so. Yet at the same time, there was a part of my consciousness that realised all the negative emotions and energy running thru. The mindful part which caught on, and held me in check.

The mindful part which stood separated from the "real" me, which went, notice your emotions and thoughts. Notice the state of the mind.

I left the house partly coz I was really angry, and partly coz I need the space to breathe. My mindfulness can only control me that much. (So I left before I could do real damage)
And once out of the house, I started to reflect. I still didnt quite understand how the outburst came about.

The real scary thing was the state in which my mind was in. I seriously could do murder than.
And later I thought to myself, I must never never ever be in that situation again, coz if I had died than, I would have ended up in HELL. As it is, my mindstate was already in hell at that moment.

Of course, this was a real extreme case where I was truly angry. But the normal day-to-day anger is still a negative mindstate that we all should avoid.

Pls stay mindful of all your thoughts and deeds. You never know when they will return to "bite" you.